Pensive & Precious

Most Wonderful Mistake

There was a girl who never believed in love. For her it was just a superficial attraction that lasts few months or hardly a year. It's not like she had never felt the taste of love. Rather she had always been loved by her family & friends, and she loved them too. But she didn't want any other feeling of love except that.

'The other kind of love' that she had watched in movies and read in books was like a cliché for her. She worshipped 'self love', which was the most important thing in her life. She loved herself the most. She knew loving someone more than herself would just leave her getting hurt. For her the meaning of self love was 'loving and prioritizing oneself more than anything and anybody else'. She couldn't think anything except herself which slowly made her self-centered. She thought of leading her life all alone while being an independent women in future. She wanted to achieve all her dreams and to become so capable that she'd never need anybody else. She turned herself into an egoistic girl who thought that she's the best and no one deserves her. But what made her think this way is still a history. Maybe all the heartbreaks she had witnessed in her surroundings, when one loves truly and the other just play with their feelings, made her think that way. Also she sometimes felt that even her family and friends doesn't loves her, so she chose her own path.

But life had made some other decisions for her. Something unfortunate happened which she'd like to mark as the 'most wonderful mistake' in her entire life. Someone walked up to her life in the most unfamiliar way which changed her. In a way that she finally learnt what that 'other kind of love' meant. She never wanted to feel that kind of love for her own safety. But she had some hidden feelings inside of herself that she always wanted to curb, which came out after seeing him, without her permission. She realized that the thing she always known as love was not actually love. Other people just ruin it's name for the sake of their own benefits. But only few knows it's real meaning. One who knows how to love, knows how to live. She learnt if expressing feelings means being cringey and talking clichés, then one should go for it.

All the things that she thought of in her past was just because she was restraining her feelings inside of herself. She indeed had her friends and family to share her feelings with, but all things just can't be expressed infront of everyone. Also it seemed like people often misunderstood her, so she never expressed. Moreover she herself didn't understand her, then how could she expect it from others? She worshipped self love but she never loved herself. Yes she did prioritized herself at first. But she always tried to be emotionless because she thought it would save her from 'love'. She never actually knew the meaning of self love, which is beyond her imagination. The word love is itself more deep and intense than anything else. But he taught her the meaning of both love and self love, not in words but in action.

She never listened to romantic songs as she feared that she might catch feelings. Her music taste was totally different from others which included songs of hating love and just focusing on oneself. But now she everyday listens to the playlist given by him, whenever she misses him. And it makes her feel special that maybe the songs in the playlist are actually dedicated to her. She neither asked him about it nor did he told her himself, but she liked to believe that every line of those songs are dedicated for her and only her.

It's not like she doesn't have any aim in her life anymore. She still want to achieve all her dreams and become self-reliant but the only change is that she want to achieve them with him. She now doesn't only have her dreams to achieve but also his. He became her emotional support and so did she for him. She now have more sparkles in her eyes as she knows that she's not alone anymore. She now have someone who really cares without asking. And she's blessed.

Did love make her weak? Does she now seek emotional validation from him? Did she get converted from the emotionless girl to a girl who now fantasizes about a boy? Sometimes these questions revolves around her head but she never finds the answers. She only knows that she found someone whom she believes and can lay onto whenever she feels down. She never have to hide her feelings anymore. If she cry for something, he'd surely engulf her to the tightest hug that would make her forget eveything. And if something bothers her secretly, then he'd understand it just by seeing her face. She just knows that found the one that she never wanted but always needed.

~♡~