Heartstopper Imagines

Struggles & Sexuality PT 2 : Nick/Charlie

Charlie could feel Nick's hand shaking inside his own as they walked to Nick's bathroom. Nick hadn't said much else other than, 'I'm sorry' over and over again since Charlie found him a couple of minutes ago. Charlie decided the best thing to do would be to get his boyfriend cleaned up, they could speak later if Nick felt like it. 

Charlie sat Nick down on the closed toilet lid, brushing some hair away from his sweaty face. Nick was in a state, to say the least. His hair was awry and his body gleamed with sweat, his knuckles held a mixture of dried and wet crimson which was spreading to his hands, as well as Charlie's. He had a tormented expression on his face and his breathing was quickening by the second. 

Charlie cupped Nick's face with his hands, forcing Nick to look at him. Nick's tears were falling rapidly and thickly. 'Nick you have to breathe, come on'. Nick just leaned back, trying to release himself of Charlie's grip, but he wouldn't let go. 'Nick, breathe with me?' Nick focused his eyes on Charlie, matching his breathing, but he seemed to go somewhere every time his breathing was managing to even out. Charlie wish he knew where Nick's mind kept wondering off to, he seemed so distant when he got like this. So, he decided to try a different approach. He placed Nick's head against his chest, breathing deeply so Nick could feel it. He combed his hands through Nick's ginger hair, evening it out. Eventually, Nick's breathing began to slow down, his arms had found his way around Charlie's waist, he gripped on to Charlie's shirt like he was his lifeline. 

What felt like hours later to Nick, but was really only 3 minutes, Charlie eased himself out of Nick's grip, he was worried about Nick's hands. He began to work on them, so delicately. Like every move he made he was afraid he would injure the boy. He cleaned the blood away, wrapped them up, and placed a sweet kiss to his forehead. 'all done', he spoke softly. Nick looked up, the tears dry and he looked far more calm than he had ten minutes ago, though there was still worry in his light brown eyes. 

Eventually, they made their way to Nick's bed. He still had yet so say anything, instead he just hung onto his boyfriend, head tucked into his chest as Charlie held him, rubbing his back gently. 'do you want to talk about it?'. Nick paused for a moment, considering, before he began to speak, 'I just feel so confused, all the time. Like pressured - not with you, being with you is the only thing that seems to make sense nowadays. I - I just - it's just exhausting not knowing who I am - you know?' He looked up at Charlie who was nodding and smiling softly as he spoke back, 'I do know, but Nick, you don't have to know who you are now, or at any point. It doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is you being happy, I just hate seeing you get like that.' He kissed Nick's hair, burying his face in it. 'I know Char, thank you for being here with me through this - whatever this is, I love you'. Nick closed his eyes, exhausted from the events of the day. 'Thankyou for letting me, you'll be okay Nick, I love you. Get some sleep, i'll be here when you wake up.'

And so Nick slept, content and at peace as Charlie watched tv and held him, stroking his back and his air and up and down his arms, anything to bring comfort to his boy. 

Thankyou for reading! 

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