How Nigerian (o.s.h.n)

Realization

There is a saying in my local dialect, the literal translation goes like this "one cannot prevent abuse through discipline when abuse and discipline feel exactly the same." "If It can't be done for you; it must be done by you" I try to live by this principles so all of these things I can endure or handle.

But omo it is the lack of Naks that has gotten me so frustrated that I don't know what to do. She has never once initiated for us to Nak, it has always been me. Sex occurs at an average of once every few months. She is generally a very honest person truth be told, but there is always a new, creative excuse not to have sex "not on work days na", "maybe tomorrow", not today", not on weekends", "it's too late", "it's too early", the list goes on.

Me i have a very high sex drive and now imagine Naking just does not bother her.
We have had the Talk about a thousand and one times. It goes like this: I ask her why she does not want to have sex. She says she doesn't know. I ask what I could do to help her. I explain my frustrations. She understands, but still gets emotional. She says she has to "talk to her body first".

OmO I think her body must be very antisocial o. On the odd occasion when she does agree to Nak, it is out of pity. Sex without passion  or the decency of self awareness is just pointless even sex dolls give you more passion. She does not give me head nor does she want it herself. The worst part is that she does not like outercourse. Ahh what the hell am I meant to do then?

All the countless rejections have led to my confidence in myself and in our relationship going down the drain to be very honest. Part of me wants to sha tell her that she is more like a roommate to me than my future wife, I know it will pain her and I would hate myself for insulting her.

But God knows am in such a depressive state, imagine I married her and I started experiencing all this, haa Godforbid o, what do I do now? Shey if she was behaving well, by now, we would have been married. And any deep problems we have like this I have her parents to call for guidance.

But now I can't even go to my parent or hers for advice cause they would probably kill us for having sex and living together before marriage, her people even think she is living with her friends at a student house . I feel like a selfish asshole for even wanting sex anymore.

The part that is driving me crazy is that she knows how I feel about this, but is not bothered enough to make a change. God knows I have tried to be faithful, i have tried to be loyal, knowing the way of life here that once you start cheating or paying for hookups there's no going back.

That's not the kind of relationship I want to have, I can't even bring up the idea of an open relationship to her because I know how jealous and protective she is of me one instance of her jealousy was when she convinced me that I would look a lot better with skin cut. So I cut it I removed all my hair. She later tearfully admitted that she only did this because she was jealous and knew molo would make me look worse.