Shattered ✓

F O U R

Alexa

A few weeks went by as I continued to live with my uncle. He had bought me some clothes and a hoodie, which I was thankful for. He and Malissa makes sure that I eat properly, so I don't look so unhealthy. Eating large amounts still made me sick, though. Dylan was great, too. He is nice and plays games with me.

As great as they were, there was still a pain in my chest. And it was because of that pain, that I continued to hurt myself on my arms, legs and stomach, doing more and more as the days go on. I cried myself to sleep every night--or until the loss of blood knocks me unconscious.

Cutting myself became my addiction. I knew it was dangerous, but I didn't want to stop. And I certainly didn't want anyone to find out. So I made sure that I kept my hoodie on at all times.

There was a knock on my door.

"Come in!" I called. At the moment, I wasn't doing anything bad.

Ryan pokes his head in. "Hey, Lex," he says. "Um, I'm just letting you know that you're going back to school on Monday, okay?"

I widened my eyes and jumped off the bed. "Excuse me?" I demanded, no fire in my voice, though. Did I hear him right? "Can't I do online school?" I asked him.

Ryan chuckled. "No, Alexa," he says. "It'll be okay. Just, you need more human interaction. You've been... locked away for months. I don't feel like you're in the state to even do your online schooling here without... supervision."

"I didn't try to kill myself," I lied. "That was just a cover up Benny had made up. I didn't even write those letters."

I had told Ryan what had happened to me, and he called the cops. They're still searching for the pyscho child. And because Ryan knows, I figured I could at least blame the whole suicide thing on Benny's elaborate scheme of kidnapping me.

Ryan sighed. "Even so, seeing your old classmates--your friends--might be good for you," he tells me gently.

I bit the inside of my cheeks. The last thing that I wanted to do was see them.

Well, that wasn't entirely true.

A part of me actually did want to see them again, but the other part of me was too terrified of seeing their faces ever again.

They hate me.

They probably didn't care when they thought I was dead. They wouldn't want to see me just randomly show up back at school.

Another thought occured to me.

"W-what if someone takes me away and makes me go back to my family?" I asked sadly. After all, my uncle didn't have custody of me.

"I hired the best lawyer, sweetie. Everything will be okay."

I wished that I could believe him.

***

Thursday I had received the news that Ryan is putting me back in school.

Friday, the next day, is when I started noticing Ryan and Malissa arguing a lot more.

Saturday was when Ryan started sleeping on the couch.

Sunday was when malissa and Dylan packed their bags and left.

Ryan didn't want to talk about it. He said they've been getting into more fights lately, before I showed up. Ryan didn't want to tell me what caused the fighting. When I got there, though, Ryan and Malissa seemed to be fine. But whatever happened must've been bad for Malissa and Dylan to leave so suddenly like that.

Comes Monday morning and Ryan wasn't ready for school. It was a good thing that I had set my alarm clock. I went to his bedroom and noticed Ryan still asleep.

"Ryan, wake up." I tapped him gently.

He groaned and sat up. His hair was a mess. "Malissa?"

I shook my head. "Uh, no--its Alexa--"

"Malissa..."

Was he even awake? His eyes were squinted.

I tapped Ryan again and his eyes opened fully.

"You're not Malissa..."

I frowned and shook my head. What was the right thing to say in this type of situation? I'm sorry I'm not the fiance that left you the night before?

"Ryan, we have school, remember?" I say. "Please get ready."

Ryan sighed. "Yeah, you're right," he says.

I hug him. "Love you," I tell him softly and then I leave to get dressed.

I put on simple clothes and my black hoodie over my shirt. I let out a sigh. Back to school, I thought drily. I'm terrified of seeing Elliot, Michael, Jackson, of seeing Ryder, Blake and Ethan. But I knew that I had to. Not just because Ryan told me to, but because I can't avoid things that I'm scared of for the rest of my life.

I grabbed my backpack, filled with journals that Ryan had gotten for me, preparing me for today. A bag of pencils were in there. I bit the inside of my cheek, and before I could change my mind, I grabbed a razor from the dresser. I had convinced Ryan to get me some since I'm a growing girl and needed to shave--though that wasn't the reason that I had wanted them, to be honest. I put the razor in my backpack--just in case I needed it.

I went to the living room to see that Ryan was waiting for me. He seemed lost in thought and I frowned. Maybe he should call in a sub... but I didn't want him to still here by himself. Maybe being around others would make him feel better.

He wore the typical teacher attire. His hair was still messy, though. I hope that he had brushed his teeth at least. Ryan forced a smile when he saw ne. "Hey, you ready for your first day back?" he asked me.

I nodded hesitantly. "Hey uncle..." I started. "Are you okay? We can stay home today--"

Ryan shakes his head. "No no, I'll be fine. And you can't miss anymore days without being way behind."

I'm now in eighth grade but had missed one week of it, the rest of it being summer. I went missing toward the end of the year and since I had already taken my staar tests, I wasn't held back.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

Ryan nodded.

"Let's go."

I took a shaky breath.

"Okay."