Shattered ✓

T E N

Alexa

I waited for Ryan to fall asleep before leaving.

I couldn't stand to be here any longer. I was suffocating. Dinner was unpleasant, being around Ryan was unpleasant, especially since he was acting like nothing had ever happened.

All I took with me was a razor that I put in my back pocket. I didn't want to take anything else that Ryan had bought for me. Hell, the clothes that I wore currently, I wanted to burn. But I couldn't exactly leave naked.

It was dark out, and that alone was enough to scare me, but being under Ryan's roof, scared me even more. He's not even truly my legal guardian, so it's not like I can't leave, right?

I didn't know where to go, though. At this point, I was just wandering aimlessly around the streets, like a runaway. Is that what I am?

It's not like this is the first time I've run away, I guess. But this time, I truly have no where to go. Am I going to be homeless?

Maybe I should try killing myself again.

Like that went well the last time....

All I know is that I'm scared, cold and truly all alone. Tears started falling from my eyes; I couldn't help it. Why did everything bad has to happen to me? Maybe I'm the problem, after all. I'm better off dead.

"Alexa?"

I stopped dead in my tracks. My heart was pounding. My hands were clammy. My face had tear stains and my eyes were probably all red. I carefully turned my head, preparing for the worst.

To my surprise, I saw Elliot standing there, wearing a blank expression on his face. I couldn't help but wonder what he was doing here during the nighttime all by himself. I grew concerned. It's too dangerous--even though that makes me a hypocrite.

Before I can voice my concerns, though, Elliot speaks. "What are you doing?" he questions me, sounding kind of annoyed.

His tone through me off guard. Why is he so annoyed with me? Didn't we just reunite, like, yesterday? I frowned. "Um," I wasn't exactly sure how to answer his question. I don't think me telling him my uncle raped me would be such a great idea.

"Why were you crying?" Elliot asked, noticing my glassy eyes. His voice sounded less annoyed with that question.

"Don't worry about it." I offer him a smile--a fake one. Before frowning again. "What are you even doing out here? It's not safe--"

"You're one to talk, hypocrite." Elliot rolls his eyes.

"I'm sorry--" I stop and sigh.

Elliot narrows his eyes at me and grabs my arm. "You're so annoying, c'mon--"

I wince because of my new cuts, but I didn't want to let Elliot know that it hurt me, because that would just lead to questions, and I really don't want Elliot to know about what I do to myself. I value what he thinks of me.

"W-why am I coming?" I managed to ask as he leads.

"You think I'm going to let you wander around by yourself? You're so stupid."

Well, that's mean.

***

"Don't you live with your uncle?" Elliot asks me as we walk.

I tense up when Elliot mentions Ryan, but he doesn't notice, thank God. "I'm..." How do I answer that? It's not like I'm going back to that place.

"Is he okay with you being out?"

At this point, I don't care what he's okay with.

"I'm... We got into a fight," I lie. "I don't think I'm going back... It was a bad one..." That should do the trick.

Elliot frowns. "He's still your uncle. He's going to be worried about you, no matter what the fight was about."

I quickly shake my head. "It's bad, trust me," I say, and then came to a choice that I'll probably end up regretting, but I either need comfort or closure, I'm just unsure which one this would bring me. "Plus... I think... I think I want to see my brothers again..."

"Oh. You know your dad is still there, right---"

"That's okay..." I say. "Yeah, I think it's best " I really don't want to be homeless. At least Andrew and Veronica would be there. And according to others, my stepbrothers have missed me. I really don't know how to feel about that.

"Well it's too late for that nonsense," Elliot tells me. "You can spend the night at my house, think about your stupid choice, and then if you still want to, you can meet them tomorrow. It's just too late right now."

I nodded. "Thank you..."

Elliot is such a good friend, even if he's a little heartless sometimes.

***

Elliot made a pillow fort on the floor and sat down. I smiled. He's adorable sometimes, and then I sat down next to him. He gave me some pajamas his older sister has outgrown.

"Go to sleep," Elliot tells me, laying down. "We have school in the morning."

I do the same. "Good night, Ellie."

"Shut up." Then he was asleep so I followed his example.

***

"Wake your ass up now."

I felt a kick--not gentle but not hard either and jolted up to see Elliot glaring at me and holding my pants up (since I was wearing the pajamas and all). Why did he have them in his possession?

"What--?"

Then he pulled up the razor that I had left in my back pocket. My eyes widened. "W-what's the problem?" I asked innocently, purposely playing dumb. "I'm a girl, y'know. I have to shave."

"Let me see your arms then."

My heart practically stopped. "W-what?"

"Let me see your fucking arms, Alexa." Elliot's voice was hardened. "Don't make me force you, or I swear to fucking god--"

Don't cry... Don't cry... Don't cry...

I started crying.

"Don't fucking cry." Elliot sounded pissed and bent over me. "Arms. Right now."

I continued crying, clutching my arms to my chest.

Elliot forcefully yanked my arm and pulled up my sleeve, revealing my self inflicted injuries.

Elliot glared at me and snapped the razor in half. "You're definitely not getting this back."

My eyes widened. "But I need it!" I protested. He can't take my only coping mechanism. That is not fair.

"I don't give a fuck what you need right now. Why the hell--" his voice cracked and his expression softened. "Why did you do that yourself?"

Elliot no longer looked angry. He looked as if he was going to cry with me, something I've never seen him do.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say.