Born as Bi

Personality formation (16)

Turning 16 made me to stop and start sexual energy same time. Firstly, I gove up from trying something in public. Opened fake Instagram account (something like raminqafarov) and started following everyone. Name was fake, never shared anything, despite these, as I shared my age on profile and got a lot of messages with nudes. I didn't care who was that guy, how he looked, where lived or anything. Just nudes. This made me horny as hell. I saw really too much dickpic. But it was nothing compared to 17s. Preferring local guys, made me think that, liking same gender is just for sex. Even I've never had courage for it.

Some months later quarantine started. As all know, we locked in homes. School became online. I was at 10th grade, so lessons weren't that strict. But I didn't have a phone, so used mom's. Few weeks later mum tired giving her phone to me and made dad to buy a laptop. It made huge difference in my life. Yes, I still chatted with guys and used laptop more for it than classes, but made me learn about my personality. Because time was almost unlimited, access was free. I Googled "gay", then "lgbt". Found out so much more. Also searched in Azerbaijani, but they were pure homophobic. Like, "How to find out blue(fem gay) boys?". Surprisingly I found all that characterizes at me. With more research, I first time identified myself as Gay. Made some friends, evem know talking one of them. We call ourselves "sis". None of us are feminine, it's just a joke.

Looking back to these sexting times, there are some remarkable parts. The firts nude I've sent, was to a bi guy at the age of 30. I would never do that if I was in my right mind. Cause he was a pedophile, who wanted to fuck a child. But I like older guys and didn't have experience, so couldn't see that. But the nudes I've take, I still remember. Captured with laptop's webcam, standing on the bed, trausers are down, t-shirt is up. Showing erected thing - that's how it was called these times. After sending it, thought that, I can reuse it. So saved on really long and deep directory. Also changed file name to discreet it.
Almost everyone wanted me after sending that nude. And I got more and more nudes. Only 1 time a 21 year old guy rejected me for my age.

With the beginning of summer holiday, mum restricted access to laptop and I simply went away from these. It wasn't that hard, but sometimes rewatched all messages.

When summer finished and school year started last time, I used my account for growing and more connections. Cause during pandemic, we had school for one week and classmates didn't make connections at all. After all had a small "sisters" group, then got rejected. Because I couldn't be online always, at least I didn't had a phone. That's why couldn't read all messages or left them on read and made admin angry. Anyway they didn't fit me and my personality.

Also, I started to have more days between masturbations. Previous years it was almost everyday. Since it's 3 or 4 days by the way.