Memorable Nights

Memorable Nights (7)

TW: Sensitive content

Zimele's POV

Fear.

A consuming feeling. No one likes being afraid but when they are, it is inevitable. It's fear mixed with dread, a feeling that is a huge pain on its own. How am I going to tell her all this information that I am also stuck having to process with such little time to spare? But I knew she deserved to know as much I wanted to shield her from the truth of the matter. She had left me in the bedroom about twenty minutes ago after a while of convincing her that I was fine and I would be. I needed some time to put my words together in a proper manner. I just was not thinking at the time. I wanted an easy way out and suicide seemed like the best option. It just happened.

Wallowing in self pity was not going to help me. I had to go face her because I could hear her feet shuffling softly in the next room. She was not going to leave me entirely alone. Especially not after finding me in that very compromising position. I completely understand because I know I would not leave her either. She definitely did not trust me being alone in this dorm room. My insides twisted and turned, the immense feeling of fear growing every single second I spent here alone. The shuffling finally stopped and I heard a soft thud in the other room. I had better go fix this right now before things escalate even more.

My body was on autopilot as I stood up from the bed and made my way out of the bedroom that seemed to be caving in every minute. She could feel my presence but she did not want to acknowledge just yet. Her face remained facing down. She was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall with her head in between her knees. A huge sigh came out of me. She gazed at my feet but still refused to look at me. This would be the part where I start talking.

"I was born into a royal family back home. Back then, a girl child was seen as a huge blessing from the Heavens. This meant the family could request a higher bridal price for her when it was time for her to be wedded. It also meant the family would be gaining access to more and more land because women have more status compared to men back home. The only flaw in that is homosexuality is frowned upon. Heavily. The kingdom would much rather have the homosexual person be alone for the rest of their lives or if they choose to be with anyone, they would be sent to exile. Back to the royalty thing, a Queen could not be a Queen without a king beside her. Even if it means that the King will be beneath the Queen."

I took a deep breath and moved slowly towards her. Sliding down the wall next to her, I assumed the same stance she had. She still had not budged from her position. Either way I could tell she was listening to everything I was saying attentively. I carried on with the story.

"When I was born, my parents were happy. I was a healthy baby "boy" or so they thought. I grew up being taught and addressed to as a boy. "Zimele" the one who stands up for himself. Or herself in my case but they did not know at that time. As I grew up and my body started developing the way it did, the confusion kicked in. My parents had me wear really baggy royal garments just like all the young boys of the kingdom but I was instructed to never get naked in front of anyone that was outside of the royal family. Not even my friends. Not even at school. Nowhere. I could not even go swimming for a while. But you can only keep a secret for so long until it gets out. My parents decided to go consult a traditional doctor about my "strange" condition. The doctor then told them I was both male and female. I was the one who could choose just how to portray myself to the world but that would break the facade my parents had been keeping up ever since I was a child."

I felt her shuffle next to me, almost pushing me away. Her head rested on my shoulder and I carried on with the tale, grateful she was at least near me at this point.