Psycho\\ Discontinued

Chapter 1 : tinker bell

Since I don't go to school any more, I have a lot of free time. Sometimes I walk about the city. I Look at shop displays. I look through the window of cafés. I skip around. I sing. I sleep. I look at animals through the pet store windows. I grab free samples from the grocery stores and stuff them into my leather bag. I look at the environment that's around me. That I live in.
I look at people.
People look at me.
They don't smile. They don't give a wink. They don't giggle. They don't give me an expression even. They just see a 14 year old girl playing rookie at her school. This particular high school girl has dark eye bags, tangled black hair, red eyes, and moon pale skin. Maybe she's depressed? Maybe she's spent too long at a high school party?
I look at people.
People look at me.
That's it.
I sometimes sit on the park bench during my free time. I nibble on a dumpster burger and feed pigeons with its moldy bread. People hate it.They like it.
Pigeons.
Some say they're stupid birds. Stupid birds that beg for food and let it out all the time.
Stupid birds?
No.
Pigeons can actually track down their home from wherever that are. It's pretty cool. It's like they have this built-in "track down" device implanted in their minds.
So in a way they are smart.
Let me ask these birds though.
What if that don't have a home? Or parents even? What if they can't remember where you came from? That's me.
If I were a pigeon, I would be lost. I'd be hungry.I would have to beg for my food. If I were a pigeon, I'd truly be a stupid bird.
While in the park, I see parents playing with there children. The parents are smiling. Their children are smiling. They giggle. They chuckle. They cry. They laugh.
I stare at these children. And their parents especially.
What did it feel like to have a parent. Some who loves you. Who protects you. Who gives you a name. Must be nice. Those children are happy. Was I like that to? Was I a small,innocent child as they were. I might have not been innocent. I'm not innocent now anyway. Because of the incident.
I sometimes watch television during my free time. In Times Square, the t.v is projected on a building of some sort. At precisely 6;15 pm, I watch Khou46 news channel. It's one of the best things to watch. The news. It helps me keep up with the world's affairs. It makes feel connected to the world around me. Today's news was a bit boring. It was all about the gas prices and the stock market. Bleugh. During the commercials, an ad of the movie "Peter Pan" showed up. It was the scene of Wendy trying to kiss Peter. Peter didn't know what a kiss was. Wendy volunteered to show him. She puckered her lips and began to walk closer to Peter and his lips. They were so close to have a first kiss; however, Tinker bell swooped in and grabbed a hold of Wendy's hair and yanking in it. Wendy then fell backwards.
A kiss. It must be nice to have a one. You must feel so alive when you do get one. Having locked lips looks romantic and I bet it feels like it to. Having someone you love and who loves you must be the greatest thing of all time.
I like tinker bell. She doesn't care what people say or think about her. She does whatever she pleases. Everyone loves tinker bell. She cares about someone. And he cares about her. She protects him. He protects her.
If I were a fairy, I would fly myself to happiness. I would be small, delicate and beautiful. I'd be important to people. A magical thing that people love. Children love. I would have powers. I would be able to grant wishes. Make flowers grow. Put a smile on a child's sweet face.
But I'm not a fairy.
I'm not a pigeon. I'm not a fairy. I'm not innocent. Im not pretty.I'm not a child.I'm not wanted. I'm not needed.