love will tear us apart

6. the tower

Louis is acting like a child and he knows it.

He knows he's pointedly ignoring Harry for something he isn't even sure Harry really did. Just that... maybe fame gets to people. Maybe it's really easy to get used to being desired, being the one people want. Not even in an overly sexual way, but ever since he was eighteen and had his first hit single, Louis' life changed over night and... yes it's easy to get used to that. It's not really new anymore, and then when it changes, it hits like a truck.

It's not even that Harry showed any signs of not wanting Louis, but... Why wasn't he in his room?

That is the riddle that kept Louis up the whole night basically and what makes him sneak out of his room the next morning, into the empty kitchen for a quick breakfast alone and then into his Fifa room. He spends the entire day there, Amanda bringing him lunch because he won't leave the room, sitting in front of the TV and playing all the video games he has.

Harry doesn't come looking for him, which might be the worst thing.

They had so much fun yesterday, but apparently Harry is just back to working his ass off and not showing any form of caring. Louis really thought he had him there. He thought Harry realised how much fun he can have if he wants to, how happy he can be.

That was Louis goal at first, maybe he let his own emotions too much into the picture. Maybe he himself enjoyed the last night too much, when it meant so little to Harry. Maybe Louis shouldn't have started this, maybe Harry's choice to be a bore and to be uptight is something Louis has to respect. Maybe he can't change him after all, maybe he's just wasting his time.

Louis would really have liked to leave right now, because running away and moving on is easier than thinking and discussing and figuring out. Just that he can't leave, just that he's stuck here and he will have to face Harry sooner or later.

He gave in, he broke and he was ready to lose, to let Harry win and give himself to him, but Harry wasn't there. Never again will Louis do that. He won't go into his office now, he won't go into the dining room at dinner time in an hour, he won't look for Harry. He did that yesterday and that lead him here.

Louis has never been good with dealing with things. He never dealt with serious, rational plans for his future and thankfully he didn't have to. He faced being the families disappointment for a while when he said he didn't want to go to university immediately after finishing school, he faced the shake of their heads when he said he really believed in what he was doing and that he saw the chance of maybe making a living out of it.

And then he faced their congratulations and their hugs and their apologies for not believing in him when he showed them that he was right. He faced people's judgments and people's support. All the time, he rather wanted to leave, had his comfort zone and his people who knew him and wanted to run to them whenever he felt out of place.

But he stopped doing that, he grew in confidence and has his standards, told himself he won't settle for anything less than that as long as he's in this cruel, violent industry.

Right now, it feels like he's in a little bubble, this whole lockdown doesn't feel real, because he's not with his people, because everything is rescheduled, he's in a castle and he doesn't really experience what's going on outside, only sees it on social media. The only thing for him going on is this game he has with Harry, but apparently it wasn't that important to Harry after all. Apparently Harry is used to this bubble, being unreachable and being immortal since he was born as who he is and never had to fight for it or face the disapproval of the closest family.

Apparently nothing ever really matters to him, maybe it is all part of the job, pretending. Louis wants nothing more than to get through that shell and see the truth, just not when he's going to get hurt, when he accidentally lets himself get lost in the peak of a human he saw yesterday.