love will tear us apart

22. tokyo

It's painful to forget someone and maybe even more painful to wait for someone you can't get over. However, the most cruel pain comes when you don't know whether you should wait or have to accept and forget.

Every day is the same. Harry wakes up in an empty bed, touches the mattress next to him for a few seconds, imagining it isn't cold and empty, imagining there is a body next to him, a body that feels so familiar and so much like home, eyes looking back at him the moment he wakes, so blue they swallow him whole.

He always gets up painfully slowly, trying to keep his eyes on the floor in hopes to get all the images out of his head of him, being here with him. Of him bringing life to this castle.

Harry showers and dresses, but it doesn't feel like it did before. He goes to his office, not looking up unless he has to. He passes the door to the Fifa room, which is locked and hasn't changed. He refuses to glance inside. He goes to work, silently and unhappily. Amanda brings him breakfast since he doesn't want to socialise too much. She offers a sad smile and a bow.

It's almost routine now, how he takes about three breaks a day to sob with his head in his hands until his skull hurts and he needs to call in Amanda for water, still reluctant to leave the office. He doesn't want to walk around much, because everything is a memory. It should be memories of his childhood, but instead it's memories of the best months of his life. Everything reminds him.

It's been three weeks since he wrote that first letter. One turned into four. Harry writes them late at night when his plan of trying to ignore all those thoughts of Louis eventually crashes down on him and he has to get his words out. He gives them to the guard in the morning, with a quivering voice and red eyes.

He never gets a response.

Louis' number is unavailable, he probably changed it.

Louis is fading away.

"I'm gonna get us another round of drinks" Zayn slurs into Louis' ear. "Don't do anything stupid"

The thing is just, Louis is off his head. And when he's as wasted as this, with tall broad men around him, he will always do something stupid. In his haze, he faintly sees Niall off somewhere in the crowd, dancing with some girl. Louis only shrugs and moves to the beat of the music. It's only a minute later that he feels someones presence right behind him.

"Hey baby-"

"Shush" Louis slurs, shaking his head. "Don't talk" He does move against the man, though, pressing his back to the stranger's chest.

Oh, what he would give for that man to be Harry. For them to be able to dance like this in a public club. Right, public. He's in a public club. Louis swallows, he should probably move away. But that body against him feels so good and it's so easy to pretend that this mysterious man is Harry.

"Louis" Comes Niall's voice from right behind him all of a sudden, and yes. Louis should have seen that coming.

No matter how wasted Niall is, he will always keep an eye out for Louis. That's how it's been going ever since they arrived in Tokyo. They dance late into the night, get absolutely smashed, then sleep the whole day and drink again to get rid of the hangover.

Louis knows it's no way to live and that everyone could take pictures and cause another scandal, but he doesn't really care at the moment. Neither does the world, it seems. Apparently, there are not many fans of his in dark underground clubs in Tokyo, or they don't bother to take pictures of him if they actually recognise him.

Besides, the world is busy talking about Harry right now. And his coronation in a week.

Louis just wants to forget all of that. And there is no better option for that than a lot of alcohol.