Keep Driving [h.s]

twenty-three

Ella

I rush towards the front door once I hear the doorbell ring. I punch in the code so the gate opens for Atlas outside and watch him walk up to the front door with a grin. He's dressed casually, wearing his usual dress pants, simple black t-shirt and a long trench coat. He's never been a fan of fall and winter but I honestly thrive in this season.

Well, I would if things were normal. But nothing is the same anymore. I feel like I'm losing myself more and more as time goes on and I'm becoming this entirely new person who I'm not sure I like.

The old version of me never would've let a man dictate my life, let alone go near someone as dangerous as Harry. Everything he does goes against my morals and yet I'm still insanely attracted to him. When he gives me those small vulnerable and sweet moments, the old version of me who appreciated vulnerability and honesty feels for him and he just sets his roots deeper in me. Everything about Harry Styles allures me.

I'm a hypocrite for blowing up on my mother for being with a man like my father. She'd never tell me what to do with my life and I forced them away from each other. I had to though, it was either that or losing my mum forever.

"El!" Atlas exclaims, pulling me into his arms, and embracing me in a tight hug. My cheek presses flat against his chest while he rests his chin on top of my head and I take a deep breath. At least this didn't change.

"I missed you," I mumble against his chest, fisting his shirt. I don't want to let go yet and he knows that because he holds me tighter.

"Are you okay?" He asks quietly, not letting go of me for a second. I nod my head silently. I am okay, I'm just confused. I truly don't know what to do anymore. Should I deny what I feel or should I jump in and explore?

I wish I could talk to Atlas about it but he already thinks Harry and I are dating. A wave of guilt hits me again and my stomach flutters. I swallow the lump in my throat and pull away from him, giving him a small smile. It surely looked a little fake but I'm trying my best.

"Alright, you're gonna tell me what's up while you eat this Italian delicacy," He invites himself in, walking straight towards the kitchen. He's only been here once and he still knows the layout of the house.

I close the front door and walk after him, sitting down at the table. He opens a few drawers before he finds the silverware and grabs a fork for me to eat with. He hands me the box of pasta and the fork and sits down across from me.

"You're not hungry?" I ask, looking up at him through my brows after taking the first bite of the pasta.

"I ate before I came here," he announces simply. Makes sense. Kind of thought we'd have lunch together.

"So?" Atlas asks once I'm full of the pasta he brought me. He told me about his week, catching me up on his love life — which is non-existent. Atlas has never been the one to date. He never even had a proper girlfriend only one-night stands or casual hookups. The only person he's attached to is me and no one else. It's just how he is.

"Dunno where to start," I mumble, wiping my lips with a napkin and taking a sip of my water to quench my thirst. I take another one to gain more time to think. I need to figure out how to explain this to him so he wouldn't think it's a lie.

Though it is.

"Just tell me whatever comes into your mind first. Don't filter it." That's what I'm trying to avoid doing, Atlas.

"Okay, um," I take a deep breath, setting my water bottle down on the table, "I'm confused."

He nods his head, waiting for me to continue. So I do, making sure to think about what I want to say before I say it out loud.