And What I Found There - Book Two

6. Probably Mindless Dreaming

"When you control the elements," Quill tells me in the morning. "You can't think about actually making them do something, you yourself have to become them. Feel what the elements feel, imagine what they imagine, and become whatever force you're looking at. Okay?"

I smirk and nod at the pot of dirt in front of us. "Okay, so like dirt? You want me to picture myself being dirt?" I laugh.

He smiles and shakes his head. "Something far more glamorous. A flower. What you'll do here is make the flower grow."

I blink. "I don't know how I can do this..."

"Become the flower." He smiles again.

"Hey, you're trying not to laugh."

He is. "Am not," he barely manages to contain his chuckle.

Okay now I have to laugh, and he joins in. Quill really has a such great laugh, I find myself thinking. We are outside -finally, I was getting pretty tired of Cornelius's office and the dead animal's judge-y stares- in one of the yards.

"I get it, sounds silly." I say once we mostly manage to contain our laughter. "But necessary, according to Cornelius anyway. Now are you going to help me become a flower or not?"

He grins. "Of course. Now then," he clears his throat. "Where were we? Ah yes, picture yourself through all the years of your life, growing very rapidly, and now think about the seed going through all of its stages of life very quickly."

"'Kay. One with the seed." I nod and close my eyes. "Is this okay?"

"Yes, of course. Now, think hard and try to really see everything around you by using the earth."

How does one use the earth? I focus. Sure, I can see myself grow up super-fast before my close eyes, this is easy. But now...the little seed? It'd help I bet if I knew what the flower is going to look like but I can't think about that. Think of the seed...I am the seed. I do try to feel the earth around me. I am standing on the grassy ground outside, I feel the hard, firm soil beneath me but now it dons on me that the little seed just wouldn't be feeling soil underneath it, it'd have soil all around it.

My breath catches a little bit as I feel the firm soil move around me, pressing in on my sides and above me and underneath me. I open my eyes but all I see is darkness.

I panic. And I can't breathe! I want to scream but I know better than to open my mouth and let all of this dirt tumble in. I feel like I am going to explode, I want nothing more than to just leap out of all this dirt, but I know there's no way I'll be able to move with so much -wait. I can move. Like I'm in water actually, my moments are very slow but as I kick with my legs, I shoot up and up and now I break through the surface and gasp at the warm sunlight and the cool breeze and my face -

I stumble back and Quill catches me. "Are you alright?" He asks and rightens me again. I nod. "You did it, Adara! Look!" He grabs my hand and leads me over to the potted plant. To my shock, I am no longer staring at an empty pot. Now a gorgeous, dark pink freesia flower is bobbing its blossom head at me.

"Yippy!" The talking flower cheers.

"Whoa!" I smile with awe. "Did I do that?" My heart skips a couple beats. "Gosh, it's gorgeous!"

"Aww, shucks!" The flower trills.

"You were bloody brilliant, Adara," Quill praises. "So, how do you feel?" He asks quickly. "Winded or anything? Do you need a break?"

"I'm fine actually." And I mean it, I do feel fine. Better than fine, I feel really empowered somehow, like I just aced my test. Which I did. "What's next?" I ask excitedly.

***

I am numbly falling through a dark red sky...no, wait, I realize that I am actually sinking down into a deep ocean full of blood... My long hair slowly waves like a fallen banner above my head, my body is slowly folding up, everything feels like it's in slow motion... 

I hear the distant roaring of the waves, it is muted though, like I'm holding a seashell to my ear... My chest seizes as my lunges begin to burn, to ache... My eyes are open and stinging in the blood... My lips stoically part and red bubbles whisk the air out of my mouth... The bloody waves seem to be in sync with a heartbeat, the blood is pulsing and with each pulse, I'm shoved farther away from the rippling surface I see high above me, gleaming with white light...

Can't breathe...my head feels like it's going to combust under the pressure, my lunges feel like they're straining against my veins to break free...my stomach is tight, and my throat has sealed up, it feels like a noose has been drawn around my neck, cinching up, pulling tighter... 

I'm clawing at my throat numbly with trembling hands, more bubbles swirl around my lips... Gotta get to the surface, gotta get out of here! I kick and claw at the thick bloody waves, savagely crawling back up through the blood with a high pitch whining whistling in my head, as if that's the warning bell sounding that I'm about to die... But I already know this... 

I'm just two strokes away from the surface... One stroke... My vision is fading, my body doesn't feel like I'm in here anymore but rather am trapped in concert box that's beginning to sink back down again...

NO!

I wake with a start. My lungs are still burning like they had been in the dream. I'm in the Music Hall, attempting to make some magic happen between me and my guitar, or rather I was before I got so lightheaded, I must've passed out. 

Luckily, I was already sitting down on the couch.

I start to tremble and struggle to clear my throat, it feels like the air itself is trying to suffocate me. I can't stay still, being still lets the pain be the only thing on my mind. 

I leap off the couch and madly pace the floors, my hands covering my face. I need help! This pain is too much! Tears rush down my face now as the feeling of being suffocated gets even worse.

I buckle and stumble over to one of the golden spiral pillars and hold on to it for dear life, my body uncontrollably shaking. 

How can I fight through this pain? How can I hide this? I can't speak. I can't even walk, that's how much pain I'm in, and I really don't think I want to hide this from Cornelius and Quill anymore, they might be able to help me. I start coughing painfully, and now I taste something metallic and hot in my mouth...

I wipe my lips and pull my hand away; blood is smeared on it.