A New Hope

3. Am I Alright? (Keith)

Keith

Bile rises in my throat when I hear my communicator announce an incoming call. Please, please don't let it be Shiro. I can't handle a call with him right now. Well, not any time, but now especially. A quick glance reassures me it's only Pidge calling. As her smiling face comes into view, I blow a relieved breath.

"Hey, Senior Advisor."

"Hi, Pidge. What is it?" I don't even bother pretending I'm okay. Instead, I down another shot of Nunvill.

"So you've heard, huh?"

"Checking how I'm dealing?"

"Yeah, and not too soon, I see. How many of those have you had?" She tilts her head to indicate the shot glass in front of me.

"On my second, but I plan at least double that. Triple, maybe. The night's young."

"So... that's a no on you coming to the wedding?"

Another shot. Finally, they add up to a nice warm buzz, and things lose their sharp edges.

"Did Shiro put you up to this?"

"No, just want to know, I guess. Can't imagine missing my best friend's wedding."

"Ex-best friend. We haven't spoken in years."

"Keith, are you alright?"

Ha. Not even close.

"Nope."

Oh yeah, a fourth shot sounds like an excellent idea right now.

"Stop trying to drink yourself into a stupor, or I'll fly down there and kick you until you're sober again."

"You're a good friend, Katie."

"Wrong. I'm an awesome friend, and you're wallowing."

"What else am I supposed to do?"

"Keith, can I ask you something?"

"Sure. After I have one more." I drain the glass and send Katie a grin. At least I try to. The screen is turning fuzzy.

"Why did you leave? After the war."

"Shiro offered me a position on the Atlas."

"That monster. Wait, what? And that made you run to the ass end of the universe, sorry, Daibazaal? Why?"

"Because."

"Because what, Kogane? Spill, I don't have the whole evening."

"Do you have more friends to inflict your caring attitude on?"

"No, just waiting for some test results to see if I wasted the last two years of my life. No biggie. So. Why. Did. You. Leave. You were in love with Shiro."

"I didn't tell anyone. How did you know?"

"Please, give me some credit. You weren't exactly subtle." She snorts. "I'm just missing that mental leap between 'the guy I love asks me to stay with him' and 'I have to flee as far as possible.'"

"It was a pity ask, okay? He felt responsible for me because he still saw me as the dumb, angry kid from the Garrison he had to save from himself. I wanted him to see me as an equal. A partner. Someone he could..." Love. The word gets stuck in my throat, a painful shard stabbing my vocal cords.

"Keith, I hate to say it, but you can be a moron sometimes."

"How do you figure?"

"Don't you think that after years of fighting by your side, Shiro already saw you as an equal?"

"He literally said it was his duty to ensure I was taken care of."

"Okay, so Shiro's also a moron. You know he talks like he's reading from the regulations sometimes."

"It took him about five minutes to fall in love with someone else after I left. Trust me, Pidge, I did the right thing for him."

"If you say so. What about you?"

"What about me what?"

"Did you do the right thing for yourself?"

"I don't matter, Katie. As long as Shiro's happy."

She makes a disapproving sound but doesn't argue further. Thank god for small mercies.

"Look, the wedding is in three months. If you change your mind, let Shiro know. Or let me know if you don't want to talk to him. Which, by the way, I think you should do. You could join the meeting tomorrow, maybe?"

"Don't count on it."

"Okay, fine, but just... call me if you reconsider. Three months is a long time."

"Not long enough."

There's nothing else to say, so we end the call, and I stare at the invitation until the booze and exhaustion pull me under.