Eden

Two

I suppose I should explain. Once, and without very many details, because this really isn't any of your business.

I was miserable. I was lonely. I did something stupid because of that.

I was lonely because someone who I thought loved me turned out not to, and that's all you need to know about that. And I suppose I was also lonely because my family aren't especially close, and have never really been close, and because a part of how I found out that particular person didn't love me involved also finding my friends weren't really my friends, either.

So I had a bad week, and I was lonely, and there was really no-one I could have talked to, and I didn't think to try talking anyway, because I've never really had people around I could depend on. Not actually depend on. So it just didn't occur to me to try.

So yes, I know I should have waited, and that eventually things would get better, but it really didn't seem like it right then, in the moment that I decided to do the stupid thing. And as well, I'm not very good at school, and I don't have any huge passion like music or sports or art, so being completely realistic, all that was ever going to happen for me was ending up behind a checkout somewhere and what's the point in that? I mean, really?

I was miserable, and there didn't seem much point bothering any more.

So I gave up. Basically.

I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying that's how I felt right then.

And it was a bad idea. Just to be clear. It was a really bad idea, and if you're ever tempted, you shouldn't, because things do get better. I assume. Because if nothing else, doing what I did gets you where I am now, and you don't want that. And also, if you think about it, just staying where you are, things probably aren't going to get any worse than they already are, since you're already in despair. So save yourself the fuss and stay there, is all I mean.

But I suppose I can't really talk because I did what I did. So you can just ignore me if you want to. But you shouldn't. You really shouldn't.

Don't do stupid things like this without thinking about it properly first. Like, thinking for days.

You'll regret it if you don't. Trust me.

I think that's all I want to say about that, though. Don't do what I did. It isn't a good idea. You don't want to end up here.