Eden

Twenty-Three

And yes, just to say, I know that since I did what I did in the bath, there would be ambulance people and everything seeing me, well, in the bath. I mean, I know that now. It's obvious now.

Not so much then, though. Then, I'd wanted to be in the bath, because I liked baths. Baths were warm and safe and comfortable places to be. And no, to be honest, it didn't really occur to me that someone would have to find me. I just didn't think. Because I expected to be dead by then, I suppose. So yes, now I think about it, I don't really like the idea that someone found me in the bath. I don't like the idea of them seeing me naked and cold and lying in a tub of my own thin watery blood. And yes, seeing me like that does seem a bit awful for them, too. Me all dead and everything. So I suppose if I'd been thinking clearly, I would have tried to make sure no-one did. I could have worn a dress or something, I suppose, or left a note on the bathroom door saying I only wanted female ambulance people to come inside, or just saying to call the police and not come in. Something like that, anyway. But I didn't think. And that isn't the point anyway. The point is that I did what I did then expecting to be dead afterwards, so people seeing me didn't really matter. And it still doesn't matter, not really. Not those people, who found me, back then, when my old life was over.

Not them.

But those are different people to whoever woke me up here. And what those other people did with my old body, which I didn't want any more, at the end of my old life, that's a very different thing to what these new people, here, did as they woke me up.

It's a completely different thing, being found dead, to being examined for what I shaved, and then woken up with it already done.

It's ick, is all, like I said. It's kind of rude, and a bit of a violation, too.

I mean, even if I think of whoever did it as doctors who were trying to help me, it's still a bit unsettling.

So I hope they didn't do that. Whoever they are.

I hope they didn't, and actually, I don't think they could have. Because, when I think about it, when I think about all of this, the only thing that really makes sense, to organize our hair and beards and legs and shaving on the scale that this place must be organized, is if everything happened mostly automatically.

I mean, just now I think about all this properly.