Finding love

Chapter 27

It's been a week since the break up, and it's been hard.
That night I cried myself to sleep, I didn't leave my room the next 2 days and no one came to check up on me.

I wished my mom would have, I wished she would just bust my door down and comfort me.

But she never came.

No one called to check up on me, no texts. Not even from my friends.
Everyone was too caught up in their own lives to realize that I'm gone.

Yeah I know I sound pathetic, throwing myself a pity party, but what else can I do when the only shoulder I always have to cry on is my pillow?

I sometimes wish I could just......
I just wish someone would stay.

Then next days were pretty much the same, until yesterday. I gave up crying and feeling sorry for myself.
I decided to let it all go, I woke up and decided that I'm taking action, I'm changing things myself!

After getting ready, I came downstairs and my mom was busy in the kitchen, hugging her from behind I whispered a silent apology and said I forgive her.

I forgive her for pushing me away, I forgive her for not being there for me and I forgive her because she is my mom and I love her.
She didn't say anything back neither did she hug me back but I was okay with that because at least she didn't push me away from her.

Then there was one more thing I had to do.

So now here I am, at the house I never thought I'd ever set foot in,with him sitting across from me, hands folded under his chin waiting for me to speak.

"I always imagined this day, what I would say to you, if I would yell, scream, fight? Or if I would hug you and beg you to come back? But now I know what I want to say, what I need to say." I pause making him look at me with an emotion I can't place,

"I forgive you," I breathe as I feel my heart lifting as the tears prickel in my eyes, then I continue to speak

"I forgive you for abandoning me, I forgive you for not letting me love you, I forgive you for not being there for me when I needed you, I forgive you for not being a father to me." I finnish off and by then the tears are poring down my face,my heart feels light and this overwhelming peace I feel right now is the best feeling in the world.
And I wanted it to last so I got up and left.

Leaving him like he left me 18 years ago.....