See You Later || Chongyun x Xingqiu

(Almost) A Final Goodbye

It had been a full week since Xingqiu's death, and I was completely devoid of emotion. His death was ruled as a suicide and the information that I and he were in love had finally got released.
People had come to visit me over the past few days, trying to comfort me, and asking if I was okay as if that were a question.
  I had picked up all of my mail from the days after Xingqiu died, all but one; The letter in the light blue envelope. After taking a closer look, I could see that the name on it was written in his handwriting. I had put it aside while I collected myself enough to read something like that.

The funeral...

His funeral was being held that day. As his past lover, I had no choice but to attend. However, it seemed difficult.
  The hours leading up to it were painful; Getting ready in a suit and remembering that that was what he died in. It hurt.

The time had arrived. Everyone approached the building where the funeral was being held and the room was soon full of people coming to say a final goodbye to the second son of the Faeyun Commerce Guild.
  Xiangling and Xinyan walked with me. Other than Xingqiu's immediate family, we were the ones that he was closest to. The girls walked in, but I stood behind, in a state of panic.
  "I can't go in... I can't do it!"
  "Relax, Chongyun, it's okay!" Xinyan held my shoulder, trying to comfort me.
  "You don't have to go in if you don't want to, I know that it must be so hard for you!" Xiangling added on. I agreed with what she said.
  "Yeah... I think I'll just stay here."

I stood just outside of the door for the entire service. I kept trying to bring myself to go in, even for just a few seconds. But one look at the coffin and I was on the verge of breaking down. I decided that it was best to just stay where I was...