For my grandmaster [Mdzs FF] {Y/N&Xichen} Eng. Version

Chapter 2

I put away my diary.

No matter how much time passed, to me it fills like an eternity, I still see the last hours perfectly before my eyes.
It's almost nauseating.
Nobody ever in my life appreciated me this much, while so, I feel humiliated.

With a deep sigh I put the uniform on the chair.
I didn't notice but the stitches opened up again making the gap bigger getting to the knee of the pants.
If it's not the upper part being damaged there's no need to worry much, but I don't have a change...
Thinking I bring two fingers on my chin.
If I wash it I have nothing to wear, I can't even expect them to give me the Lan uniform because I'm not part of the clan, and even less I can ask the clan leader to buy new clothes for me.
I wouldn't have the courage!

An other sigh brings the weight of my body to be supported by the same chair and I feel the fabric of my clothes under my fingertips.
I didn't notice before but now that I'm in a room predominantly brown and white in color, where not even a grain of dust seems to put feet is, in its simplicity, it's like it's screaming that the uniform isn't part of it.
Mainly yellow with golden  details here and there, white pants and a brown belt; of it there is not much left.
Fortunatly it doesn't have a pungent smell but this doesn't mean it's much closer to the fragrance of sandalwood that's comming form candles in the room seemingly on fire since hours prior consuming half of their height.

Well, even the candles half melted have less creases and spots than this stupid good-for-nothing uniform!

Not knowing what to do I shake my head, also a bit desperatly.
I accorded to become an assistent to a clan leader and I'll present myself with this thing on...
I don't know how much I'm shaking my head left and right but at least the headache prevents my thoughts to come back.
Actualy, who knows what he will say!
Sure, clan leader Lan is known for his gentelman-like maners which wouldn't allow him to belittle someone for their clothing choices but he still is a man and I belive he thinks much more than what he says.

I facepalm my forehead feeling the embarrassment getting to my cheeks which already had become more colored.

What was thinking?!
I've never seen a clan leaders assistant amongst the most famous and most powerfull four clans in the cultivation world presenting herself in such conditions!
Wait...

I stop massaging my red forehead (because of the facepalms) and with wide open eyes focusing on nothing but realizing with justified embarrassment what I am thinking about.

It never happened that a Grandmaster needed the help of an assistant!

More I think about it, more I feel like my head's gonna explode.
I don't recall having ever seen or heard about...
I understand than after years of reclusion all the work must have piled up and he isn't used to it anymore, but why ask help to someone with low level cultivation such as mine?
Which work must I do?
Checking his mail?
Well, I'm not complaining, it wouldn't be hard if it's just that.
But I have a feeling it's not gonna be that way.
Getting desperate is not gonna help me, anyway it's better to sleep it off and not have a sleepless night. 

Just a few steps away is the bed and so I let myself sink in it like a potato sack.
From here I can observe better the whole room even though there is just a table with a chair, a small tea table with pillows, an empty bookshelf, the bathroom door and the bed I'm on.
My gaze comes to a hold looking at the rancid uniform on which I can notice even clearer the green patches of grass and the brown patches of filth.

Ah, LanLingJin...clan Jin, what did you do to me?!

I sigh for the third time today and I lay down under the blanket rolling on the other side, "From here I can seen perfectly the staines probably everyone before me saw. That's so embarrassing!" I mutter covering my face under the blanket.
Now I understand what they meant...in the end they where right.
"Not even I woud have stayed close to myself if I had seen this.", I continued thinking.
No matter how many days, weeks, months or even years left, I still would be ashamed of something I didn't want nor I can change, the only way to distance myself from it is to start all over again, totaly fresh.
No masters, colleagues, family...
Nothing at all!
If I would disapear, no one would question it, if I start all over, no one would recognize me.

Tempting!

Would this be what my father wanted?
He was so proud of me and happy for me when i got accepted to study with the Jin.
He was proud of his family and his name even when he knew what kind of people where amongst them.
I also am proud of my family, they where powerfull and on some terms did what was nessesary to do even if I don't agree with some of their methods but... "I can't suffer other humiliations. I ask You forgiveness, father.
It's for my own good.
I roamed for too long in the shadows of others.
I will make you proud even if I'm along the Grandmaster Lan side in his doing..." before I could finish, all the candels in the room, all together, died out depriving the room of any source of light.
"I know... but until the day of my repentance, I'll not go back on anything said nor promise taken. From now on I'll leave behind the name Jin ShenJi to become a humble cultivator with the last name Ji,"

Wangxian, here!
I'm sorry if there are some errors, feel free to correct me in the comments.