The diagnosis

Part 1

I let out a shaky breath, staring blankly at the entrance to the school. Trash scattered about, the metal handle rusted. I combed my hand through my knotted, brunette hair I not had washed it in days. I debated whether or not to skip school. No I told myself, mum would want me to go, I have to go. For her. My body shaking, I carefully stepped up to the door, the handle creaking under the pressure of my hand. The halls where empty, they looked abandoned and lonely. Some lockers left hanging open, backpack handles jammed between the locker doors. I stopped in the middle of the hall not daring to move, I just wanted to go home and cry, sleep, leave this hellhole. I pulled the sleeves of my hoodie further down my arm covering the scars that remained from yesterday. I pulled the hood over my head trying to hide my face. I look down at my feet, mysterious stains on the floor. My white shoes no longer white but now a dark brown. A large screeching sound attacked my ears, streams of 16 year olds flooded out of the classrooms, commotion filled the air. Some bodies manoeuvred around me, others rammed into me almost toppling me over. I scanned the floor searching for the closest exit with no luck. I pulled my phone out of my cargo pants pocket checking the time.

10:15

I was 4 hours late and we still had 4 more hours left. I can't do this it's to much, thoughts pounced on my brain bringing tears to my eyes, I walked quicker wanting to disappear because of my stupidity, and my stupid stupid self. I screamed internally my fists clenching turning a pale white. I squeezed my eyes shut not allowing any of my tears to escape. I felt my body slow NO! NO!! OLIVE NO DON'T COLLAPSE! I screamed at myself, but my one attempt failed and my legs gave way underneath my like twigs snapping. Even with my eyes shut tears came unwillingly, I felt them drip slowly reminding my how fucking idiotic and emotional I am. I sat there waiting for someone to step over me or shout at me. Nothing came. My chest shook, tears coming out harder. My eyes slowly began to open, the world blurry, and bright light blinging me more. I got up, navigating myself to the nearest toilet. I pushed open the the bathroom door, the hinges groaning at the sudden movement.
I searched the bathroom checking if anyone was there. No one was there so I locked the bathroom door so no one could come in. I let my bag slide of my shoulder, a loud thud echoed throughout the room as it touched the floor. I slumped over to the mirrors looking at my reflection. My tear stained cheeks were a dark pink, my eyes blood shot and puffy, my hair sticking to my face. I sat down on the bathroom floor reaching up for my ear taking out my earrings, I placed the rubber backing gently on the floor, pulling back my hoodie sleeve. I stared at the needle, my hands shaking as I began to bring the needle to my arm. The cold metal pierced my skin as I pushed the needle in. The pain shot up my arm like a bullet. I winced at the pain but kept going slowly bring the earring towards me. I deserve this shit, I fucking deserve it. I fuck up everything.
"I'm so sorry mum this was all my fault." I whispered through sobs. I got half way down my forearm before I took the needle out. Blood dripping from the tip. A tear fell from my cheek landing on the cut stinging like hell. I clenched my fist not wanting to make a sound. I dropped the earring next to me as I got up cradling my arm. I turned on the sink submerging my arm in then water.
"Holy-" I cried before I made anymore noise. I turned off the tap, my eyes drifting down to the mess I made. The blood stained the the rim of the sink, the rest of the blood flowing down the drain. I reached out for a paper towel drying the cut.
I used my good arm to reach down grasping my bag strap as I hulled it onto the sink counter. I rummaged around my bag looking for the largest plaster I had. (The fact that I came prepared scared me) It was about the size of my palm, not big enough. I sighed already regretting my decision. I grabbed two of my biggest plasters. I slowly peeled of the paper towel I had on the cut, throwing that into the trash as I peeled of the back of the first plaster, placing the padded part precisely on the first half of the cut the outside of it already red. I peeled of the second plaster overlapping the edge of plaster onto of the first. I pulled the sleeve over the cut hiding it from everyone.
I unlocked the door and creeped out of the bathroom and ran back home.

...

I placed my ear softly against my front door, listening out for my dads shouts or the tv. It was silent to that was my green card as I slipped my keys into the lock the soft click of the lock unlocking as the door opened. I kicked of my shoes, sprinting upstairs not wanting my dad to see me if he was home. I locked my bed room door behind me, chucking my bag across the room and diving upper the covers, ready cry myself to sleep.

...

My eyes drifted open, the room dark. I turned over grumbling as I checked my clock.

1:30

I reached for my duvet yanking it over my head slowly drifting back into a deep slumber.

My eyes flew open, but instead of me being in the comfort of my room I was in the middle of a snowy wasteland. A strong wind blew my hair in front of my face, the snow gently kissed my skin sending chills down my spine. There was a voice chanting my name. The voice low very deep. The snow landscape in front of me burned my eyes, snow beat down on my arms melting as soon as it made contact with me. My cheeks rosie due to the cold . I tried to move but nothing happened. I told myself to move my leg forward but still nothing happened. Maybe if I shout someone would hear me. I opened my mouth to scream but no noise came out. Why the hell was happening. My eyes frantically darted looking for someone or something to help me. I looked to my side and a bright pair of orange eyes staring back at me. A millisecond later they disappeared, then the voice shouted run and everything went black.