The College Experience [Larry Stylinson boyxboy]

Chapter Seven

**Trigger Warning: Panic Attack; (very brief) mentions of Self Harm**

"Is he breaking up with me?" Harry asked, gasping for air.

"Shhh..." Louis murmured, steering Harry into his room. "Shhh, Hazza, I'm right here."

"Does taking a break mean breaking up?" Harry asked frantically. He sat down on Louis' bed and looked up at him with pleading eyes.

Louis nodded. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry... but he's probably just letting you down gently."

"No," Harry whined, running his fingers through his hair rough enough that Louis worried he'd tear a few strands out.

"Don't hurt yourself, love," Louis murmured, grabbing Harry's hands gently.

Harry cried like the world was ending.

"But I want to," Harry cried, trying to shake out of Lou's firm grasp.

"No," Louis said, trying to make eye contact with the younger boy, but Harry's eyes were flitting around the room.

"It's your fault, it's your fault, I hate you," Harry said. "I hate you so much." He sobbed, trying desperately to get his hands free from Louis.

Louis felt an ache in his chest and he held tight to Harry's wrists. Lou wanted to leave, wanted to curl up somewhere and talk to Liam, talk to someone, he couldn't handle hearing those words from Harry. But he had to be the strong one this time.

Louis let go of Harry's wrists, but Harry immediately started digging his nails into his skin.

"Please don't do that, love," Louis said softly.

Harry looked up at him, his eyes wide and scared, but he didn't stop, his nails dug angry scratch marks onto his pale skin.

Louis took Harry's hands in his.

"Louis, Louis, I need to," Harry whimpered. "I need it, Lou, please let go I need to I need it, I'm just scared, I'm so scared," he whispered.

Harry leaned into Louis, crying against his chest and Lou reluctantly let go of Harry's wrists. Harry didn't try and scratch himself anymore, just latched onto Louis, so tight it was as if they were on the precipice of a cliff and not tucked safely in a musty old dorm room.

"I know, love," Louis murmured, "I know it's scary. But you're not allowed to hurt yourself, okay?" he said, trying to keep his voice steady, keep it from trembling. "You haven't... you aren't...? Have you been doing anything else to hurt yourself?" He choked out.

Before the first years had moved in for the year, every RA had gone through a week long training session on how to deal with conflicts- how to deal with stress, and how to deal with mental illnesses- to be prepared to help the students on their floor. Louis had paid careful attention and made deliberate notes, taking care to never let his mind drift for a second, knowing it could be important someday. But he never thought he'd be in the situation where it came down to him... where it came down to someone clinging onto him like a life-raft, whimpering his name like his words had the power to do something... like Louis had the power to heal this.

"No," Harry sobbed, his body wracked with the emotion, pressing against Lou, sniffling against Louis' soft grey shirt. "I haven't done, haven't done that in two years, I don't want to do that I just want everything to stop hurting. Please make it stop."

Harry was trembling like a leaf and Louis held on tightly, rubbing circles onto his back.

"Okay, shh, it's okay," Louis murmured.