7/11/2022

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Technically I'm not done with high school, as I still have an exam. But I've already had my prize-giving graduation. Basically done. I'm lost in what to do, my classmates have decided to study some pretty solid courses. One is doing environmental sciences; one's going to be studying architecture, one's studying art, another is design, and one's applying for the navy. Another person is doing carpentry. Heck, my friend is studying law. (Though between you and me, she might have a little trouble with her English. Girlie can't spell for shit) But good for her. Anyway, it's like1 am and me being lost just searching for something.  Okay.

Things I like~

Reading, Alone Time, BTS, learning things, Astronomy, Philosophy, Math, Science (except for chemistry), Making things, Writing, English, Fine Art, Gloomy shit, Nostalgia, Natural Scents, Cats.

I started with things I randomly like then practical stuff and again random. 

Career Interest?

Journalist, Astronomer, Work at a museum?                                                                                                              I say this, as these jobs don't sound that bad, but I don't know.

Hold backs? -  Nervousness, scared to start something new. Unsure. 

I'm 18. My last year of high school and I'm lost. I don't know what to do with my life. I said I'd take a gap year. But every teacher says I shouldn't. Say I should take the free first year of study. I think I should but what course? Hopefully I find something. Maybe do English and get a degree. Then something else. I'm comfortable with English so maybe. My teacher encourages me as well. Someone suggested Public Policy, and a teacher aid agreed saying I'd do well in that area, but I don't know. Most likely choices? English.

I looked at some courses and here's some sudden interest. Accounting, History, Human Development, Sociology. I don't know shit about any of them. 

I feel like a slum. My younger sister is applying for a job and going to be earning money. She's 15. My older brother already has a job and earning money. I'm the sibling everyone knows is smart, I'm the one who finished school, and the only one out of my siblings who will be finishing school. I feel like a failure. It's funny because I'm only 18. I feel like the only thing I can do is study. That's all I can do. Both of my siblings are working and I'm doing nothing. 

Not to brag, but I genuinely wish I wasn't as smart as I am. People always tell me I'm so smart and can do anything. Which is amazing, I'm grateful for that side. But again, I'm so fucking lost. Wanna know how long I've been wondering what to do with my future? Over 9 years now. Since middle school. I've had 9 years to think, and I'm still so lost. Fuck it. I should just study English. I'm 18 still so young. Ah, but I'm scared. I wish I wasn't so introverted. I wish expectations didn't exist. I wish I could do nothing and just lay there. 


Back, back, back, back, back up plans and last options if everything goes to shit. 

1. Foot pics

2.Hand pics

3.Only fans

4.Club waitress.

Aye, if desperate times call for desperate measures. These the only ones lol. 

Okay it's 1:15AM I'm going to sleep now (playing on my phone) 






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