The sad side of town

3.

I just have bad habits I guess

like i chew on my nails no matter how old
i get and i know it makes me look thoughtless
but wait until you see how often
i gnaw on my lips
because i'm basically addicted
maybe i'm just trying to tear off the
last bits of skin
that felt your kiss

and sometimes i take cold showers
or refuse to towel off and even though
i hate not being warm it's because
my brain gets stuck on some ideas like
burning a few extra calories without
trying very hard

kind of like how it got stuck on the idea
that you might still love me even after
all the pretty wore off
and i have a habit of panicking about times
like i can't be late to anything or my body becomes
an explosion and my words become
frozen

you were the first person i would have rather spent
those five extra minutes with like i would have
shown up late to everything if it meant
just a couple continued moments of us
lying quiet in our bed

and i like reading more than some people and
i will try to pet every dog i come across
and i am just really awful at crossing streets
like for no reason my timing with that is actually
horrifying and i like to touch every water feature
around me even if it's in some high-class lawyer place
where they frown at you for running your fingers
across their wall fountain and occasionally i spend
like an embarrassing amount of time in my pajamas
and i always procrastinate no matter what i have
for homework and i also have this thing where
i second-guess everything i do

but by far my worst habit
is not being able
to stop loving you.