Couple's Therapy

TWO

"McDonald's" Louis says, just as Harry says "The sex shop." Judy raises an eyebrow. 

"No, Lewis. McDonald's is where you met Jonathan!" Harry screeches. "You're still so fucking caught up on him!"

"Mr. Styles, please calm down." Judy says. "Who's Jonathan?"

"My ex." Louis says.

"Your ex?" Harry scoffs. "You were fucking engaged to the guy you abso-"

"Mr. Styles!" Harry falls quiet. "We can't possibly begin to repair your relationship if you're shouting at Mr. Tomlinson like this. Please just calm down."  

Harry sighs, a great big huffy one, and settles down, mumbling under his breath.

"Now, Louis. Why does Harry think you're still in love with your ex fiancé?" Judy says.

"Cause he's like, super fit. Huge, if you know what I mean. Indulged my conversations, not like Hazza here who just yells at me." Louis says, making his voice slightly venomous.

Harry scoffs, rolling his eyes. "It's not my fault that Jonathan left you for that fucking model, now is it?" 

Judy's writing so much that she's smudging the ink.

"Well it's not my fault that you can't get a fucking job! You spend all day at home, have the occasional shift, and you fucking get mad at me the minute I get home from providing for you and you'll lavish fucking lifestyle!"

"You're the one that cause admit he's wrong! You're the fucking idiot that spends his time pining over Jonathan!" Harry exclaims.

"I'm not fucking wrong, though, am I? Goofy's a fucking cow!"

"Goofy's a dog you fucking wanker! How on earth is he a cow?!"

"See! You never think I'm right! I was right about Sylvester Stalone!" Louis yells.

"Sylvester Stalone was not in your sex shop, Louis! Don't be fucking ridiculous!" Harry yells.

"SAYS THE GUY WHO THOUGHT HE SERVED JUDI DENCH IN A FUCKING DINER!" Louis exclaims dramatically, throwing his hands up. "A FUCKING DINER? REALLY?"

"JUDI DENCH STILL NEEDS TO EAT! AS DOES MERYL STREEP, AND I MET HER TOO!" 

Louis scoffs. He's actually really enjoying this, and he's starting to really like Harry. 

Sitting in this couples therapy room, with this near stranger, he begins thinking. He could see himself dating this person.

They continue the fake argument, throwing in wacky reasons for arguments and even wackier replies.

Judy doesn't even try interjecting, just listens and lets them fight.

It's steadily getting more and more ridiculous, and they're spewing so much nonsense that he's honestly surprised that Judy hasn't called them out on their bullshit.

Harry stands, throwing the cushion from his chair at Louis, and that's when it turns into a pillow fight, featuring random stuffed animals and fake couple arguements.

When Harry slips and falls on a sad-looking blue stuffed bunny, Louis chokes on a laugh, wheezing as he collapses onto the chair.

"Are you seriously laughing at me? I could be hurt! And all my SO is doing is laugh at me." Harry exclaims, jumping to his feet.

"Oh, please. It was funny, dear." Louis snipes, and Harry starts shaking in anger.

"Oh you-"

"See? Joshua wouldn't yell at me like that!" Louis cuts him off.

"WELL I'M SORRY THAT YOUR EX FIANCÉ-"

"Hold on, Mr. Styles. I thought Mr. Tomlinson's ex fiancé was called Jonathan. That's what it says in my notes." Judy says.

"Oh dear."