dogfight : reddie

take me back (epilogue)

i don't know how to come back

richie seemed to shake himself awake with such a start that he assumes he must have been having a nightmare. not quite shaking it off, he looked up at a guy staring at him.

"welcome to san francisco, kid." the man, donald, stood in the door to the bus. richie stood up, shakily, and walked over to him. disembarking, richie looked around. donald handed him his duffel bag, and richie rubbed his eyes.

"don't look a thing like what i remember." richie said, and realized he wasn't quite sure what year he'd started anyway. he only knew he felt cold in the wind. at least that hadn't changed, he guessed.

"not much does," donald remarked, looking over richie with a concern. richie blinked several times, disoriented. "you know where you're going? staying with friends?" he asked, worried.

"don't got any." richie mumbled. suddenly, his arm seemed to ache. 

"what about your bees?" donald asked, and richie looked down to his arm. three bees, engraved in ink on his upper arm. 

richie could picture them now, only lightly bleeding. he had to leave them behind. they had to keep moving. at least he hadn't had to see them bleeding out, richie reasoned. but maybe he could've saved them. staunched the bleeding. 

clearly in the thought, richie was silent. donald took a step back. "well... good luck to you." he said simply, and stepped back into the bus.

richie began to wander san francisco. around every corner, he saw bill for just a moment. in the rush of the city, as it always was, he glimpsed ben in the group of men exiting an office building. 

at one point, richie swore he saw stanley, smoking a cigarette, lonely, against a pole.

a woman walked past him, and richie raised a hand, "excuse me–" but she ignored him, walking along.

a second one passed, "can you help me out?" he asked, her pretending as she didn't hear him. richie's heart panged. he walked further, shutting his eyes each time he misrecognized someone. 

with one last woman, he touched her shoulder, "can you help–i'm looking for a diner–" 

she spit in his face, then moved forward. richie backed away, towards a wall. he wiped himself with his sleeve, staring back at the three bees. 

he felt like a shell of the man he'd been. the ink felt like a ghost, haunting him, unable to come off his skin. there was nowhere to go, no before, only after, only now. there was no parade, just shit. 

just guilt.

wandering aimlessly.

he found himself entering eddie's diner. eddie, standing behind the counter where his mom once was, looked older. he looked wiser. 

eddie looked to the entrance, and their eyes met. there was a long silence, in which richie felt the recognition between them. 

eddie felt a million things. he kept them all beneath the surface. immediately, eddie saw richie's pain. he was different. he was broken. 

richie approached the counter carefully. 

"richie." eddie said, uncertain.

"hi, eds." richie sat down in front of the counter gently. his deteriorated state unnerved eddie.

eddie shook his surprise, "i never heard from you. i didn't know if you were alive, or..." he trailed off.

"shot at and missed..." richie's voice was too gentle, too soft. eddie's hand reached out onto the counter. "i'm sorry." richie apologized, looking down at eddie's hand. 

"it's okay. i stopped waiting. i'm okay." eddie watched as richie reached his opposite arm out, but he soon realized it wasn't to take hold of richie's hand. he was showing eddie his tattoo.

"i don't know why them... why not me..." richie's voice became raspy, and he choked back a sob. 

eddie came around, the counter, compassionate and warm. god, richie needed someone warm. "oh, rich. i'm so sorry," eddie felt drawn to him. eddie, now next to him, reached out. richie shook with the intensity of his sobs.

he collapsed into eddie's arms, and eddie held him. the hug was deep, and richie cried onto his shoulder. it went on for a long time as richie let it all out. eddie felt the great release, and offered him his empathy.

"welcome home." eddie whispered.