Heartdriven

18. Alice, Who The Fuck Is Alice?

Waking up at the landing, Alice left the airplane realising the suitcase she had packed at the beginning of her journey was not suited, as the climate was quite different to that of Spain. Obviously. She needed a bigger suitcase, but first she needed some thicker clothes to fill it up with. Shouldn't be that hard to track something down, she had several days to kill before the race week began.
Arriving at the hotel the bureau had given her the address of, it looked small and cozy, and much more in line with what she was used to — not another luxurious Monaco experience.
She walked up to the counter, informing them her name as they typed away on their computer. "I am sorry, miss. I do not see a reservation under that name."
She showed them her papers and documents from the bureau, but they were not able to locate a room reserved under her name.
"Would it be okay if I sat here for a moment, to figure out something?" she politely asked, referring to a sofa area in the lobby.
"Of course, miss. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help or you would like to register."

Pulling up her laptop and phone, she was reminded of the message from Daniel. No. Not now.
She opened her email and had indeed received one from the bureau, quickly skimming through it but not understanding it, she had to read it through twice, the most important part, thoroughly: "It has come to our attention that you have had relations with two Formula One drivers to gain access around the paddock. We do not condone exchanging sexual service for favours in our workplace. We will be terminating your contract, and are no longer associated with your work."
Relations, exchanging, terminated, what?
Checking the timestamp, the email had arrived after the message from Daniel... while she was sat in the plane.
She had a few more messages from Daniel and missed calls, but right now she just wanted to read the one she had received from Sebastian: "Hope you landed safely."
Yes, he is wonderful. She just wanted to write him everything, but she couldn't right now. She had to send a quick update, that she had arrived, before first seeing to sort this out. She could fill him in later. Or maybe he already knew.
How did the bureau know... why did it matter, that she had relations... why did they think it was in exchange and not personal? Two relations... Sebastian... Daniel. Jumping back to scroll through the messages from him, she decided to just call him.

"Alice, hiya", he sounded at bit all over the place.
"Daniel. I just landed. You said you needed to talk. Is everything okay?" She was a bit worried in her voice, but didn't want to jump to any conclusions, she wanted to get an overview of the situation, to figure out her next step.
"Alice, uhm... here's the thing. Yea, uhm. So. There was a photographer, in the paddock. He, like, grabbed a few shots of us entering the paddock. Y'know, together. He... uhm, he posted them online and, well, my girlfriend saw them. So. Uhm..." He was quite hesitant in retelling the events. "Well, I told her about our plan... that you were in a relationship with Sebastian, and uh, somehow it got out."
She paused for a moment, trying to see if she understood it correctly. "It got out?"
Daniel sighed at the other end of line. "I'm sorry, Alice. My girlfriend... she didn't believe me... she contacted your photographers thing—" she interjected, "Bureau," him continuing his sentence, "yea yea, bureau... uhm," but not completing it.
"I understand. I have to go."
Removing the phone from her ear, she could still hear him at the other end, "No-no, Alice, wait up!"
Putting it back to her ear, she leaned into the couch. "I'm still here."
Daniel was quiet, but obviously had more to say. "I'm sorry."
She removed the phone again and held it tightly in her fist, rubbing her chin, unsure. "It's not your fault. You know it's not, you tried to help."
Rubbing her eyebrows, they moved together in a frown. "It's my own fault."

Daniel told her the bureau had contacted him for confirmation. He didn't deny their relationship, thinking it was not relevant, seeing as it wasn't sexual, as his girlfriend had told them. But he could not speak for Sebastian and had tried to cover for them. Daniel didn't know if they, too, had contacted Sebastian, and she feared finding out.
Informing him she had been let go from the bureau, cancelling all their business and her hotel reservations, she had to pay out of her own book, including a return flight.
Daniel had offered to transfer her money, but she was too prideful too accept it. She was embarrassed, how could she have let her emotions get the better of her, to destroy her chance to follow her passion... But he would check up on her. And meet up with her, if she was still there by the race weekend.

Deciding on her feet to get a room for the night at the hotel, they were kind enough to help her out and moved some things around so she could get a cheap room and not put in a deposit payment, and she was handed a gift card for the restaurant buffet.
Waiting in the elevator to reach her floor, she thought about how she would handle her conversation with Sebastian, going through every possibility, expecting the worst. They wouldn't help her in the moment and only made her more anxious. She walked down the hallway slowly, almost postponing it, before she could no more, entering her room, little room, sat down on her bed. And made the call.

"Sebastian..." she whispered as he picked up.
"Alice? Alice!" she leaned back on the bed, happy to hear his voice. "Is everything alright? What happened? Did something happen?" He was speaking fast, she was bit confused by his urgency.
"I am fine! Why uhm—" he exhaled at the other end.
"Alice... it is the middle of the night."
She sat up, looking at the clock placed on the bed counter... that didn't help, different timezones. "Oh shit! I completely forgot... Oh my God, go back to sleep, Sebastian! Goodnight!"
Putting her palm to her forehead and running her fingers through her hair, he wasn't ready to let go of her. "No, Alice, I am awake now. Do you think I could just fall back asleep after hearing your voice?" Okay, she had to fall back in the bed, after that one.
"I got fired." As always, her overthinking let her to just blurt stuff out.
"Fired?! Why?" He sounded genuinely confused.
"You haven't spoken to anyone?"
His attitude changed back to that of when he had first picked up the phone, "Alice. Tell me!", and so she did.

Sebastian had not spoken with the photography bureau, but it was possible they could have reached out to him through his agency, who might have refused the call.
"It will be fine, Alice. You see, I am going to take care of you, okay? When the bank opens tomorrow, first thing, I will make sure... I will handle it. And then next week, you can come with me to the paddock and photograph all you want. It is not a big deal. I will take care of it. You don't need to worry about it."
She was speechless... but how could she explain it to him? How could she let him know, without him taking it sound the wrong way — without him being offended... she did not want him to take care of her. She wanted to do this on her own, not because of him but with him.
"Sebastian... no more bullshit."
He repeated her words in question, "No more bullshit?" She rolled to the side and sighed, resting her head on her hand.
"I don't think I can do both. I want both. But I don't think I can do it... together. I can be there... as your partner, or I can be there as a photographer. Every time... it is bullshit, you know?" There was a long pause, as she waited for his reply.
"Alice... do not do this. Let me help you." He meant well, she knew that. Of course she knew.
"All my life, I have been taught not to rely on other people... all you get is pain. I need to do this on my own."
She could hear his breathing on the other end. "Maybe there is another thing you need to try for the first time."
Tears falling down her face, she hung up. Lying on the bed crying, alone again.