Days of Remedy

Part 1

It's four am. I woke in the middle of the night. The house is silent; only the rain tapping on the roof can be heard. Cold sweat covers my body, and the chest pain makes me curl up under the sheets even more. Did I have a nightmare? I don't remember. My eyes have been stuck to the ceiling for eternity, unable to take control of them. Lightning brightens up the room, showing the dust particles floating around. The stale air is starting to feel unbearable. I force my body to get up and run to the main hall in my nightshirt. I don't even bother putting on shoes; I just need some air, or I will suffocate. The main door flies open as I grab the handle and finally take a breath. The cold rain rolls down my bare skin, soaking into every pore. My body drops onto the muddy ground and the night breeze enters my lungs for the second time. Heavy rain blurs my vision; not even the nearby street lamps can be seen, so I close my eyes and let the night sky cleanse my body for a few more moments. As the rain patters, my limbs finally soften.

Suddenly I feel something fall on me. A blanket. "Kumiko! What are you doing!?" 

My mum dragged me back to the house. I stand in the empty hall; water drops from my long dark hair and pale fingertips while my mother directs me to use a towel. Her voice is calm, but her face can't disguise her worry. Seeing her tight lips and wrinkled forehead makes the pain come back. I tried to dry myself as best as possible while my mum left to put a kettle on the stove. I tiptoe into the kitchen, where a cup of tea awaits me. 

My mum breaks the silence: "Kumiko, talk to me, please. What's happening? You wake up in the middle of the night and lock yourself in the room for days. You don't even play with Aiko anymore. So please, say something." 

The calm was gone. Now, I only hear her quavering voice. I am too tired for this discussion, and the words wouldn't come out easily even if I wasn't. 

"I don't want to go to school anymore," I say. 

The atmosphere after that could be cut with a spoon. She is clearly surprised, but she doesn't ask why. Her response is predictable. School is a priority, and finishing my studies will secure my future as an heir to the family business. Instead of listening to her monologue, I focus on blowing off the steam from my mug and watching the water rings form on a surface. 

My silence makes her speak again: "I won't force you to go there. But you need to finish your studies. What about a transfer? Somewhere with students from wealthy families, more like you. What do you say?" 

To be perfectly honest with myself, I would rather choke on a wire than leave the house again. Still, I know my mother, she doesn't take no for an answer, and my education is everything to her. 

"Transfer sounds like a good idea," I respond. 

My mum claps her hands together in excitement: "Right? A change of space is always good. You will meet some new people; a young lady like you needs to socialize a bit; life isn't only about reading novels and knitting, after all." 

After finishing my tea, I went to my room and locked the door. I can't deal with another conversation with my mother at the moment. Instead, I fall on my messed up bed, face forward, and rest.