Broken beyond repair? (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 1

 So, here's the first chapter!! Enjoy :)

- Franisha <3 -

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Chapter 1 (Harry's POV)

Song: "Drunk", by Ed Sheeran

"Maybe I'll get drunk again, to feel a little love"

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I was lying on the couch switching through the channels, waiting. I was waiting since the moment Louis left. He went to his family for the weekend and I've been alone waiting and doing stupid things.

You need to understand that I was deeply in love with my best mate.Yup, I'm gay, but no one knows about that. Especially not Lou, though I think Liam suspects something.

*Knock knock*

Ugh, speaking from the devil.

"Harry, it's Liam. Open the door please."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm coming! 2 secs."

I put on my hoodie even though it was 82 degrees. I didn't want the lads to notice that I've been starving myself. You might ask, why I did that... Well I guess it started with the Twitter comments. I always wanted to be one of those persons who don't care about what others say... But I guess I'm just not. 

I opend the door to be greeted by Daddy Direction.

"Hey, what do you want Li? You know I'm fine. I don't need a babysitter!"

Yeah, I guess it was harsh, but it was annoying me, that he would come over everyday when Lou was gone  only to check how I was.

"Woah. Calm yourself Haz. Just wanted to hang our with you!!! Aren't you sweating?"

"Nah" I grunted. "Come in"

He went to the couch and I followed him. We sat down and he was looking at me with something that seemed a mix between sadness, understanding and... pity? What the hell???

"What?" I asked

"You love him, don't you?" WHAT?!

"Uhm... who are we talking about?"

"Don't fool me!! Louis!!!" SHIT! Was I that obvious?!

"Well, uhm... Of course he's my best friend?" It sounded more like a question... 

 "C'mon Harry! Ok, let me express it like this: You are IN love with him, don't you?"

"UGH" I grunted and put my face in my hands. Why? Why did Liam of all persons have to find out?

"Don't worry Haz. We'll find a way." Sure, keep tellin' me that...

"Li, could you go please? I really want to be alone right now..." I just wanted to forget everything, but I knew Liam would stop me.

"Ok, but don't do anything stupid 'kay?" 

"Sure" If you only knew...

He got up and left. As soon as I heard the door shut I grabbed a cigarette of my pocket and lighted it.  I inhaled the calming smoke and got up to get a bottle of Vodka. Louis would kill me right now. I never told him or the lads that I smoked, 'couse that would lead to the "WHY" question. I didn't want them to feel guilty. 

As soon as I finished I drank from the Vodka, which burned my throat. I liked the feeling, so I took another gulp. At some point the bottle was finished and I felt really dizzy. I was so fucked up. My best friend couldn't leave a week end, without me getting wasted. I grabbed the now empty bottle and smashed it against the wall.

"FUCK" I screamed, while the tears were streaming down my face (AN: Hehe... ). I crumbled against the wall sliding to the ground. I just didn't want to do this anymore. I didn't want to feel this. 

For almost 3 years I was suffering because of him. No, it wasn't him. It was ME! I watched him getting together with Eleanor...That bitch!!! Don't get me wrong, she was indeed a lovely girl... But she was Lou's girlfriend... And that's what I hated her for.

Why I didn't tell him? I couldn't destroy his relationship. Not when I saw that he was happy. I just wanted him to be happy.

The bracelets on my wrist slid down, revealing the scars of the previous and the red stripes of the new cuts. I replaced them remembering that I was just useless. Not only that, I was worthless.

I tried to stand up but immediately fell to the ground again. Well, seems I'll lay here until tomorrow... At least I was drunk enough to fall asleep hoping for  a dreamless sleep. But apparently my life hated me!

I dreamed of the night when Elounor was founded. The night my heart was broken for the 8th time. The night I lost faith in my best friend, in me and in my life. No, I lost my faith in me long time ago.

I dreamed of the night I started destroying myself again. 

*Harry's dream*

We were all sitting on the couch in mine and Lou's flat. Apparently he had an announcement to make. It had to be something big, he wouldn't tell even me.

"So... what is this all about?" Niall asked.

"Yeah.. uhm..." Lou stuttered. I put my arm around him and felt him relaxing. Wow, did I had this effect? Huh, should try it more often. 

"C'mon Lou. What is it? Spill it." I said. Now I wish I didn't ask.

"Okay... I... uhm Ihaveagirlfriend!" he blurted. He what?

"What did you say?" I said removing my arm from his shoulder. Please let me have understood this wrong!

 "I. Have. A. Girlfrind." he repeated slowly. NO!! 

I felt a urge, I didn't feel in almost 2 years now. I had to go. I felt my heart brake. Not again, please not again.

I put on my fake smile.

"Wow, I'm happy for you Boo. I just have to go to the bathroom" I said and Lou's face lit up.

"Oh, thank you Haz!!"

"Yeah, always..." I ran upstairs in the bathroom and searched through the drawer. Where the hell was... oh there.

I took the razor blade and draw 4 cuts into my skin, feeling relieved. I watched the blood dropping down.

*Dream end* 

I suddenly woke up, feeling this urge again. I went up and went to the bathroom, doing the same thing like in my dream.

*Bam* the front door opened and slammed shut. What the...?

"Hazza! I'm home!"

Shit.

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- Franisha <3 -