"How do you feel, Akk?"
"I'm surprisingly fine. I guess its because i have you here with me, Aye."
All those words you've said were a lie. I should've realized it sooner—Ayan thought.
Tears were silently falling from the corner of his eyes. A little sob was coming out of his mouth from time to time, masked by the sounds of the ocean.
"Aye, i want to kiss you. Can i kiss you?"
Ayan remember that day vividly as if it was just yesterday. Akk smiles at him saying he wanted to kiss him. It was his first time openly saying he wanted to kiss Ayan. He remember the tingling sensation in his stomach from that day. He smiles, trying to get rid of those tears falling from his eyes.
I was so happy when i'm with you, Akk. —he thought. He closed his eyes, letting the cold wind of night sea brushing his face, makes his face slightly numb. He didnt know for how long he have closed his eyes, but when he felt someone's hand on his shoulder he quickly opened them. And no surprise, its Akk's mom, smiling at him.
"Lets go inside, Luk. Night wind is not good for you. Akk would not like it if you get sick, right?" She said. Hearing her voice reddened Ayan's eyes. He saw her hand fast approaching his head, gently caressing it.
"Lets go. Lets have dinner together." Which Ayan only respond with a nod, before following the middle aged lady into her house.
***
Ayan laid his back on Akk's bed. His chest felt extremely stuffy. He was tired, but no matter how hard he tried to close his eyes to sleep, he couldnt. His eyes was on the ceiling, looking at the fan that has its blade spinning. His mind wanders.
"I... I love you, na."
It took Akk a long time before he finally able to say it to Ayan. Ayan remember how his Akk smiling as he said those words. I know it, Akk. I know, but it feels nice to heard those coming out of your mouth—he thought.
Ayan sighs, he gave up trying to fall asleep before moving his ass up from Akk's bed. Akk's house was so quiet. Both his parents were already asleep even before 9. Ayan learned this once when he slept over here during their highschool year.
He walked outside, leaving the house and soon found himself sitting by the beach. The wind was stronger now. From the dark ocean he could somehow see little twinkles probably from the lamp of those boats floating around.
His mind was empty. As the night getting late, the wind comes from the sea get colder, send shivers to his body. He remember those night when he failed to fall asleep after having drinks with Akk and the other.
He remember Akk approached him while the other were asleep.
"You're alowed to be weak, Aye. At least when you're with me. You said that to me before, now i return this to you"
He remember Akk saying this before letting him into his embrace. His warm embrace. He remember how gently Akk was when he was caressing his back and his head.
"Am i not allowed to be weak anymore now that you're gone, Akk?" Ayan said, mumbling to himself. He lowered his head, looking into the spread of sand under his feet before breaking down in tears.
"Akk, i miss you so bad. What should i do?"
***
"Aye, i'm going home na? My mom called me this morning telling me to go home." Akk said. They were having a lunch inside a canteen around Ayan's faculty building. Ayan who was about to send a mouthful to his mouth, stopped.
"I'll go with you then." He said before putting his spoon back to his plate.
"No need. You still have two classes left today, arent you?"
"I do, but i can just skip them today Akk. " Ayan's answer makes Akk frowned.
"No need, Aye. I'm just going home a bit, and comeback after i finished there. I promise." Akk insisted which makes Ayan heaves a sigh.
"Alright, do you wanna use my car then?" Ayan asked. Akk turned down Ayan's offer saying he have his own way. Both finished their lunch not too long after.
When they left the canteen. Akk send Ayan to his next class. He even holds Ayan's hand along the way. That was a rare case for Akk to initiate skinship in public, it makes Ayan happy.
Upon arriving at the class, Akk looked at Ayan intensely. He have his hands on Ayan's cheek, cupping it as he gently caressing the later's cheeks with his thumbs. Akk kissed Ayan on his forehead which surprised Ayan. Ayan could hear the girls in his class teasing him.
Akk pulled his hands off of Ayan before smiling and said:
"I'll go now na. I'll call you later. I love you." Akk said. Ayan was so happy. He only nods his head and saying I love you too before Akk turned around, leaving the place. He stared at his boyfriend's disappearing figure before went into the class.
He was in a super good mood, not realizing that would be the last time he would heard that word 'i love you' from Akk.
***
He waited until midnight that night but the call Akk promised never came. He anxiously waiting until he fell asleep, and only woke up the next day feeling dejected.
He forced himself out of the bed, took a quick shower and attends a few classes when suddenly his phone rang in the middle of a class.
He received a glare from the professor, before excusing himself to receive the call. It was from Kan.
"Whats up, Meung?" He asked. But the caller didnt say anything, intead he heard him sighs continuously.
"Whats wrong with you, Kan?" Ayan added.
"Before i say this, you have to prepare yourself, Aye." Kan said.
"Alright, i'm ready. Just say it." Ayan said, rushing Kan as he ran out of patience.
"Akk's dead."
***
