Love is a bitch.
Love made me go crazy about him.
I think he is it for me.
We were high school lovers. Cliché, I know. We went through a lot. Young as we were, we had so many obstacle that I forgot almost half of it all.
He was not just my first love and heartbreak. He was many of my first. Including things that we should not be doing if you know what I mean. Basically, what we had was just a childish and stupid love story that isn't even worth telling. But then again, here I am pouring everything here because I couldn't get over it. I will always remember the pain. I will always remember how it hurt.
Our story is not even exciting nor unique. But I don't know why it affected me that much. It still does until today.
We started as friends first, like all love story does. He was my childhood friend. Until one day, school was postponed because of a typhoon.
We live in a compound, I don't really notice him at first. He was just the uncle of the babies and I co-babysit with him sometimes. So, we had fun playing games though the weather was bad. I knew about his stares and subtle flirts but I shrugs it off, never putting meaning behind it. I acted oblivious. Until, he got courage and asked to court me.
I was a hopeless romantic. I accepted easily and days past, he became my boyfriend because I crave affection, adoration, and attention too much that I gave in easily with him.
He was very attentive towards me for the first few days. And I was over the moon. Until he got cold, unattatched, indifferent. I was dumbstruck. I asked myself what was wrong. What suddenly happened.
I didn't mind it too much for a few days. I approach first. I did the chasing, pursuing, stalking until after two months we got into an argument. After two months we go back and forth from breaking up and making up.
I did everything that I thought was right. I always get away from my friends with straight up lies just to go and have time with him. I left my friends just to go to him. I lied to my parents just to get out of the house to go to him. My world just suddenly was full of him. Him. Him. Him. Always been him. To the point that I become so obsessive that I befriended his peers just to know his whereabouts and to know what he is doing. Luckily, I have a set of friends that though get mad at me, they always understand me and supports whatever relationship I have.
It was not healthy, I know.
I was crazy, I know. But I did not mind it. I did not care being pathetic.
Until one day we called it quits. It was toxic. I was neglecting my responsibilities in school. I was neglecting my friends' advices to dump him because he's just taking me for granted.
I joined pageants just so he can be proud of me. I always make sure to be a part of something in school, so he could see me perform and maybe be proud to show me off to his friends. But what happened was the opposite. He was more detached that ever.
We had happy and amazing moments too. Like we were so PDA when we're with his friends. I get along with his group so easily. He is so sweet when we are together like what most couples do. And his friends treat me like a queen too. But when we're not together, that's where the problem arises. We were like cats and dogs in our texts and late night convos. It was really toxic. Making him my world became toxic.
That toxic relationship lasted for almost two years. I couldn't let go of him because maybe I was scared that there's no one to catch me when I fall and break. That's why I was so obsessed of him not letting ho of me despite our fucked up circumstances.
I just loved him too much that I forgot myself along the way. I forgot to love myself too.
Then we parted our ways when we entered our college days, but we promised to stay friends and get in touch once in a while. He even promised that maybe in college we could work it out again and get back together. What utter bullshit. But I took that bullshitness at heart.
