Recalls of Surrender

The Scarlett Letter

Raindrops fell softly on the ground, washing away the remnants of yesterday. I silently longed for history but knew that time had passed and could never be reclaimed. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to find some semblance of peace amidst the chaos of my thoughts.

My mind was heavy with my mistakes, regrets looming over me like dark clouds. But even amid this turmoil, I held onto the belief that life is a delicate balance - joy and struggle intertwined, shaping me into who I am today.

The darkness seemed to wrap around me like a suffocating cloak. Every movement and thought was a struggle. Doubts and fears lingered in the corners of my mind, taunting and tormenting me. I tried desperately to push them away, focusing on the faint glimmer of hope amidst the chaos.

It wasn't easy. Every step felt like trudging through quicksand, every breath a battle against fear and despair. As she slowly made her way to the sink in her bathroom, she placed her hands on its chipped edges and felt the coolness seep into her skin. It offered a momentary respite from the weight of her troubles, but they were still there, clawing at her from within.

It was like standing on a landmine waiting to explode - bombs constantly going off around me in the form of painful memories that threatened to break through my fragile composure. I trembled and shook as I struggled to hold onto any semblance of control, but the memories were relentless. They pulsed from the scars on my arms, a permanent reminder of my past traumas. I couldn't escape the guilt and responsibility I felt for causing harm to someone else. I had ignored it before, but now it weighed heavily on my heart - a burden I could no longer ignore.

But amid this darkness, a distant memory emerged - one that gave me a glimmer of hope. I saw myself as a young girl, full of dreams and hope for the future. And then I remembered my mother, who had always been there for me and given me the strength to keep going. My mother's presence still lived within me, encouraging and guiding me to never give up and always reach for greatness, no matter what obstacles may come my way.

In these difficult times, is it worthwhile to show kindness and courage? I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, the dark circles under my eyes revealing my exhaustion. I scrubbed vigorously at my skin, trying to rid it of any traces of stress and fatigue. The cool water splashed onto my face, refreshing and invigorating me. Finally, I forced myself to start my morning routine, determined not to let the day's challenges defeat me.

As soon as the needle touched the vinyl, I felt a sense of calm wash over me. The peaceful sounds of nature filled the space, and I could feel the sun's warmth filtering through the treetops. I went to the spring-fed swimming hole, floating in its quiet waters surrounded by wildlife. This place was my home, my sanctuary.

It all began with a tragic event that tore me from humanity and built a wall between me and the rest of the world. But rather than dwell on it, I accepted my circumstances and found solace in being alone in nature.

There was no one left to blame.

I was and will forever be - the uninvited.

I was the wild card, the unexpected force that never abandoned the face of the earth.

It's how my sense of belonging sat at the heart of the forest, built of redwood, living amid nature in an indifferent environment.

Far away from the world.

I may have accepted the circumstances of my fate, but I refused to take constant hurdles and setbacks that came my way.

I treasured this solitude but also struggled with moments of insanity and longing for human connection. As I prepared to leave for a brief outing, I called out into the space, knowing no one would hear.