Abandon Me

September 3: Quit moping about my suspension ✅

"Knock, knock!" I yelled, hoping Jay would answer. I was worried I had a concussion from the fight, but I didn't want to say anything. Jay was the one person I remotely trusted, but I was pretty nervous to ask for his advice about it, especially since I had been rude to him.

He warily answered his door and was immediately suspicious. "Why didn't you just knock instead of shouting?"

"Doesn't matter. I gotta ask you something that's completely confidential, and you have to promise not to pity me." The last thing I wanted from anyone was sympathy, whether it was a small thing, like a concussion, or a big thing, like Rachel's death.

We moved into his room, which was painted a light shade of blue. It seemed a bit too bright for a basement. There were all kinds of academic trophies resting proudly on what looked like hand-crafted shelves. He stood far away, a little confused as I observed his room. "Okay, I guess I promise. What's wrong?"

I snapped back into reality and said, "I think I have a concussion. What should I do?" I hated every moment of vulnerability.

He looked at me like I was stupid. "Go to a doctor! Is that why you look like a drunk who's trying not to fall over? You shouldn't still be dizzy."

"Yeah, I didn't sleep all night because I was paranoid," I admitted.

"Good. You aren't supposed to fall asleep with a concussion." He started walking out the door, probably to inform Tori of my injury.

"Just wait a minute!" I whisper-yelled. "Don't tell her yet. Every minute waiting is another minute I get to keep my dignity." I sat down in the middle of his fluffy floor, not knowing where else to go.

"Fine, I'll humor you because I have a question." He closed the door and sat on the floor with me. "How did you hit your head anyway? All Tori said was that you got into a fight."

I instinctively glared at him because he wanted me to open up. With a dramatic sigh, I told him, "I was talking to this girl, Lily, when her lame ass boyfriend appeared. He was clearly manipulating her and being emotionally abusive, so I clocked him in the face. Then he shoved me against the wall, and I hit my head. End of story."

He had a surprised, yet curious smirk on his face. "Not end of story. First of all, is Lily the girl you wanted to apologize to?"

I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks. "Maybe."

"Do you have a crush on her? She seems to be the only person you give a damn about." He was eager to hear my answer.

"I don't like girls," I replied quietly.

He could tell that I was about to get defensive. "I'm not criticizing you, I swear. Actually, my dad's pansexual, so this family is totally accepting."

I wanted to tear him down to shreds. Crush his soul. Break his heart. But he was so non-judgmental and curious that I couldn't say no. "Well, I'm not sure if I like her in that way. I mean, I've only had a crush on two other people before. They were both boys and one of them was three years older than me."

He thought for a minute, then said bluntly, "I don't really have any advice for you, but I do have one last question."

I was actually glad he skipped the cheesy advice crap, which made me interested in his question. "What is it?"

"Is her name Lily Faraday?"

Did he know her? "I don't know her last name."

He thought for a second. "Is she a cheerleader with blonde hair?"

"How did you guess that?"

He tried to avoid eye contact with me as he explained, "I had a huge crush on her in middle school. But I've been over it for a long time."