Chapter Three: All I Got
"Thinkin' about my niggas up the road
Ridin' with 'em 'til they home. Know I'm with my niggas, right or wrong. Keep it real with all my folks. I'm who they said I wasn't gonna be. What more do they want from me? Been chasin' since I was 17. Youngin' finally get to live his dream."- Rod Wave
I watched the closest people to me change overnight and blamed me like I was the one who switched up. I was there for everybody but when it was time for me to lean on somebody everybody switched lanes. One day that's going to cost them but until then I'll always remain solid. This attitude came from pain, I wasn't always like this. I been stabbed all in my back while trying to see the good in people. I don't have no love no more, I swear I'll hurt my own heart. I don't need it anyway because when I do use it, it get misused.
"I can count on one of my hands how many gave me some. Know it gone be rainy days, wait on that sun to come." - R5
"You don't even got to need me, I'll still come. Even when you count me out cause imma real one." - R5
People counted me out so many times and I still came through. I came through mentally, physically, and finically but never asked for nothing in return. Only thing I would say I asked for was to be a better version of themselves and to stay loyal. Seeing everybody true colors got the best of me but should I take the blame for that. How would you handle having a big heart when everything and everybody taking advantage of you. So many ups and downs that I think about quitting so much. You can be so far away from me and I'll still feel the pain that everybody cost. I get up and brush myself off but then it's like I get knocked back down. Different people have different meaning in your life but the two main ones are: a blessing or a lesson. You have to choose which one is which and how you going to live with knowing the ones you love the most was a lesson. The lesson of knowing that they took your heart with no remorse or intentions on giving it back. That's crazy right? What's even crazier is when they do you dirty and make you feel bad about their wrong doings by your reactions. Never let nobody make you feel bad for choosing peace over love. You can love somebody all day but if it's disturbing your peace then let them be them. I miss a lot of things in life but I'll never miss somebody who took my heart for granted. Sometimes, the hardest decision is who to cut off VS, who to be patient with. I tried being patient with everybody, so at this point I'm fine with however the situation goes because I know I was solid on my end. I was always at war with myself, for what reason? I can't even give you a straight up answer for that. Maybe it was the problems I faced that made me feel alone when I needed people the most? Maybe it was the hunger to win that isolated me from everybody that didn't mean me no good? I felt like I was all I had because when things went left nobody was there but me. I stayed down when I couldn't even lay in the bed I made. The bed I made caused me my life, knowing I could have been a better person in life but I let my selfish ways get the best of me. Maybe that was for a good reason. The reason was to protect my heart because it'll cost me in the end if I lose it all. How did I do some much to protect it that I ended up losing it all? Sometimes the truth is way more complicated than what you expect. I learned a lot of how I want to leave my own life through my obstacles. I thought I knew who I was until I lost myself. Me losing myself was scary because I never knew I could have so many evil thoughts. It feels like I will never be blessed. You know I give clothes off my back to the homeless, give them money and food all the time damn near everyday. But it feels like me giving is only cursing me. Everything is weird to me, including myself. I know where I could have been but I let my choices stir me off the path I had intentions on going. If I ever get that shot again, Imma cherish every moment.
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Soul Fly
Novela Juvenil"But I know God give his toughest battles to his toughest soldiers. Don't cry for me when the war is over. Just know I finally found that peace that I was looking for. Look, look, living life on the run, too many problems at once. Too stressed, can'...
