𝐁𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐊 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐄 ~ aemond targaryen (discontinued)

17 ~ Short of Ambition ~ 17

I fought a difficult battle that night. A troubling war of the mind. A deep, personal quarrel which only I and myself could solve.

Im not sure I could properly rest if I simply ignored this. Not for another night beyond this one. Im not sure my mother could truly rest either.

It was late and I was tired and my legs were sore and by the time I finished arguing with myself, my head was throbbing. But if I lay in that bed right now, I dont think I would be able to sleep. Not whilst knowing what was kept beneath the Red Keep.

I hardly thought of my father. My true father. The real man that sired me. I think that was mostly because I had spent the majority of my life not even knowing of his existence. Viserys and I didn't look even a blink alike, but I had been told he gave me life and so that is what I naturally assumed.

The night it had been revealed that the King was supposedly not of my own blood, perceptions of myself split. I was no Targaryen. My father was another man.

I thought that perhaps, he too, was dead. But instead I learned he'd been living beneath my feet for all these years, rotting away, just as he deserved.

But what did I deserve?

What did my Mother, Mayra, deserve?

Even to think of her name brought me a deep, drowing anguish. I hadn't grieved her, she owned no face or voice for me to grieve. But I mourned the idea of her, my Mother, stolen from life as she gave me mine.

I couldn't bring her back, this I knew. But I could allow her soul to truly settle. Why should the man who brought her doom own breath whilst she drifted as ashes in the breeze?

I rummaged through my Armoire, stormed suddenly by forgotten memories of my past. All of my dresses and had been kept exactly where I had left them.

As I picked through them all, I noticed how small I once was. Smaller than I remember. And the quality of these were not as grand as my siblings'. Some dresses owned tears in the seams and grass stains.

I pitied the little girl who once wore these garments. I pitied the little girl who strove to wear a strong mask of undaunted resilience whilst in reality, deep down, she was sad and alone and rejected.

Only- she remained alone until that one boy came along and allowed her to forget. She was alone until she opened her room door to find the boy grinning, beckoning her to sneak off to the kitchens with him to steal all the leftover treats that the maids had left out. She was alone until a hand snatched hers back from trying to hide away in a dark corner of the great royal banquets, and twirled her around until they were both dizzy and breathless with giggles. She was alone until two, not so strong arms snaked around her waist and held tight, whispering small words of heavy gratitude for gifting him a chance to dance in the skies. That little girl was alone, all until her Prince came to find her again. To twirl her and hold her and shove a smile on her face.

I think in some ways, myself and that little girl remained alike. Perhaps, despite time and the rifts of friendships, we always would. I couldn't tell if that was a comforting thought or a damnation.

I sifted through the garments finally finding what I was searching for. A cloak that once drowned me completely in its billowing, velvety, midnight fabrics, but now reached to the peak of my calfs in length, and wrapped around my form just enough to do the job.

I didn't intend on hiding, I only wished to avoid attention. I could move faster this way and kill the chance for rumours to thrive.

Strapping my twin blades to my hips, I knew this interaction would likely end with blood, and as such, I required a way to draw it. For the first time, I would give myself true, free reign over the riddance of life. I think afterwards I may dump him in the sea, if I could stomach to touch the man. No. Rather than disposing of him after his breaths have stopped, I could drop him into the sea whilst he still tasted air, leaving him to taste salt instead. I could tie rocks to his ankles and plummet him from the sky, atop Helios.