I Tried to Kill My Dumb Friend and Now I'm on Probation

Chapter 1: The Nightmare Begins

I'm pacing through my living room, absolutely frustrated. I've been trying to get Grim to do the laundry for the longest time, but he just keeps telling me he's busy. When I try to ask him what he's busy with, he just tells me it's a "special project". When I ask him what the project is, he just shakes his head and grins, telling me it's "classified", but if I really need to know I can look in the basement. Finally, I give up and look in the basement. When I open the door, the whole room is filled with a weird, blue light. Grim stands in the middle, tending to what appears to be a giant plant made entirely out of hair..

Suddenly, my forehead hits the cold window and I jerk my head up. Oh... that's right. I'm on the bus. It must have been a dream. I've pretty much been falling asleep on the school bus each day for the past several days now, due to my recent nightly insomnia.

I check to see if Billy and Irwin are looking, then discreetly wipe the drool off my daily planner with the sleeve of my jacket. I'm awake, but only just, so I almost don't hear the sound of Billy's voice over my own sleepy thoughts.

"Hey, Mandy!" He yells. I make a lazy attempt at a vocal response. I fail, and he starts poking me.

"Maaaaaaaaannnnndyyyyy. Wake up!"

This time I wake up for real, and I answer him with an irritable slap on the nose.

"Ow!" he yelps.

"What do you want?"

He rubs the red hand print on his face. "Mandy! You got's to get off the bus! We're at school now, see? You can't stay here or the bus guy'll take you all the way to Canada! Then what'll I do?"

I groan and stand up, beginning to regret that lie I told him about the bus driver abducting unwary students and taking them to his Canadian lair where he feasts on their bodily organs and leaves the unidentifiable remains for... well, you get the idea. Anyway, he's been pestering me about it all year.

School, let me say, is a huge hassle when your mind is stuck on track three. It seems like everything I try to focus on gets drowned out by "Billy! Billy! Relationship! Billy! What the heck is going on here?!", which I hate because I can't stand girls who only think about boys and relationships all day. And now I'm becoming one of them—ugh!

I sit at my desk, trying hopelessly to think about square roots. I succeed for precisely seventeen seconds. Then my eyes wander from my open textbook and my attention escapes my grasp once again, allowing itself to wander wherever it pleases. I'll bet you can guess where it chooses to go.

What's our relationship? Where are we going as friends? Do I like him that way? What am I supposed to do if I do like him that way? My school day plays out to this same sound track for hours, as it has for the past several days, and finally I give in and let it blast at full volume.

I glance at Billy. Do I, in fact,.. think he's cute? Honestly, I can't say. I've known him for a while, and so I've kind of gotten used to his face, but have I... grown accustomed to it? If you like someone, do you automatically think they're attractive? There's definitely something interesting about him, so.... technically... I..... ought to... Right? I put my head down on my desk tiredly. All this thinking is getting me nowhere; it's just hurting my sleepless brain.

I feel a sudden jabbing sensation at the back of my head. I look up slowly, groaning.

"What, Billy?" I croak out.

He continues poking my aching skull. "P.E. time, Mandy! P.E.! Come on!"

I get up, putting my books back in my bag and grumbling. Besides Pudd'n, I'm the last one to leave the room.