I'm Not Him (Maddy Perez/You)

Not Alright

Four in the morning. That's the time I got called out of my sleep to come to the hospital. Right now I'm very fucking tired. But I'm also trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.

No one is answering my questions or really trying to explain anything. All I know is something is up with Lani. All I can do is pray that it's not serious.

A nurse walked up to me letting me know that I could see Lani. I rushed into the hospital room but the moment I did I got this feeling that something was wrong.

"What the fuck is going on?" I asked Lani who looked terrible.

"I got food poisoning. Toxoplasmosis to be more exact." She answered.

"The fuck is that?" I respond.

I ain't never heard of that shit in my life. I swear they be making up words nowadays.

"It's a type of food poisoning. An infection you get by eating undercooked or raw meat that's been infected." She explained.

I nod understanding what she was saying. "So that's it right? Everything else is good?"

"I don't know. I just woke up not too long ago. All I know is they ran a whole lot of tests and stuff while I was sleep." Lani replied.

As if on cue, a nurse walked in the room with a clipboard reading over the papers on it. She just looked like she was about to break some bad news. It's all in her face.

"I'm sorry that I have to say this but you suffered a miscarriage. The infection from the toxoplasmosis caused the death. Your immune system normally fights it off but since you were pregnant the parasite went straight after the baby. I'm sorry." The nurse said.

She gave us a much moment alone. This baby wasn't planned and at first I didn't even want it but that doesn't stop the pain I suddenly feel. My baby boy is gone.

My chest felt tight like I couldn't breathe. I looked over at Lani who had tears coming down her cheeks. I know this baby meant a lot to her. She's always dreamed of having a child.

I sat on the hospital bed next to her and embraced her into my arms. "It's gonna be alright."

It's not. I already know that. Losing a child, born or not, is a feeling that will never go away. But all I can do is give words of encouragement. Even if I'm hiding how bad I'm hurting.

"No. No it's not going to be alright. That baby was my dream. I was once told that there's a chance that I would never be able to have children. Y/N I'm 32, getting pregnant was a miracle. And it kept you in my life." Lani said.

"What?" I asked, questioning the last part of what she just said.

"People come and go. It's a part of life and I should be used to it but when really great people come along, it's different. Y/N you're a one in a lifetime kind of person. I really love the bond we have. I'm afraid of you leaving my life." She responds.

"Leilani." I start. I backed up a little to look her in the eyes. I wanted her to know that I'm serious. "Child or not, I was never going to leave you. You're my dawg and I fuck you with you heavily. A baby isn't gonna prove anything. I could've dipped even with the baby being here. But I fucks with you too much for that. We good. I'll always be here."

We hugged each other knowing that each of us is in pain. My boy is really gone. The same boy that I prayed on having for so long. This shit is so fucked up.

_______________

I sat on my couch with my feet rested on my table. It was like five almost six in the afternoon. I never went back to sleep after leaving the hospital.