I'm Not Him (Maddy Perez/You)

Let's Talk

It's been a month since that conversation with Maddy. I have yet to speak with Leilani. If I'm being honest this single shit is just fun to me.

I'm not stressed out. I don't have any issues. I'm not arguing with anyone. There ain't shit for me to worry about. I'm just living my life how I should be.

Well that was how I was feeling at first. As much as I love to say I'm having fun, I miss Maddy more than anything. We still mess around or whatever but it was different when she was actually my girl.

And I'd love for us to work back towards that. Which is why I decided to stop fucking around and actually have this talk with Lani. Maybe it's overdue or maybe not but it's best to talk about it now.

I pulled up to Lani's house ready to get this over with. I had already told her that we needed to talk so she should already know what's up.

"Hey." She said as I walked through the door.

"Hey." I reply.

I sat on the couch not knowing how to start this conversation. I thought it would easier than this.

"I already know what you want to speak about. It's written all over your face. And I want you to know that I do not care." Lani says.

"Huh?" I asked confused.

"You're still in love with Maddy and want to be with her. That means we can't keep hooking up. That's what you were going to tell me. I'm fine with that." She explains.

"And you got all that from my facial expression?" I respond.

"Yes, anyone can read you. You're like an open book. Besides, I was just having fun and enjoying myself. Same thing you were doing. We both knew this wasn't going anywhere. I always knew Maddy was your number one anyway. So are y'all back together now?" Lani replies.

Maybe it was easier than I thought. I ain't even need to say anything. "We're not. We just taking it day by day. I ain't think jumping right back into it with her was the smartest decision."

She repositions herself, now sitting on my lap. "Let me know when y'all are officially back together. Until then I have something to tell you."

"What's up?" I say.

"You're not gonna be very happy about this but there's no better time to say it than now. I'm pregnant." She said.

Holy shit. I don't know what to feel right now. The first thing that came to my mind was Maddy. We ain't together but that does not matter to her. I know how she is. She's going to beat my fucking ass.

Just when I thought everything was going in a good direction. I don't want to tell her to get an abortion. I should take her feelings into consideration. Whatever it is that she's feeling anyway. But didn't this woman tell me she was on birth control?

"Leilani be so fucking for real. Say sike right now." I say.

"This ain't a joke Y/N. I would never make a joke about this." She replies.

I sigh as my head falls into my hands. Crazy how different my reaction is to this than when Maddy told me she was pregnant. She grabs my wrists removing my hands from my face. Her hands go on each side of my face as she forces me to look at her.

"How are you feeling about this?" I ask.

"I don't know. Happy because I've always wanted a child of my own. Sad because I know this isn't want you want. Be honest you want me to get an abortion don't you?" She responds.

"I would never tell you to do that. This ain't what I expected but we'll figure it out. Ight, we'll just get through it." I answer.

"I can work with that." Lani says.

Man I am so fucked once I tell Maddy this. That girl is fucking crazy. She ain't gon give a shit about us not being together when it happened. She's toxic. She'll still beat the shit out of me.

I won't even lie when I say she scares me sometimes. That woman puts fear in my heart. And don't nobody scare me so that's saying something.

Maybe she'll be understanding about it.

________

"You did fucking what?" Maddy screams at me.

"I got her pregnant." I mumbled.

"Oh hell no. Y/N I'm about to beat your fucking ass. You got three seconds to say it's a prank before I punch the living shit out of you." She snaps.

"It's not a prank." I say.

She immediately punched me in my chest with hella force. That shit kind of hurt. Heavy handed ass motherfucker.

"First off, ow. Second off, we wasn't even together. We still ain't even together. What you mad at?" I ask.

"I'm mad at you cause you're an idiot. And you're exactly right we weren't and aren't together. So if I go fuck someone I don't want to hear shit." She replies.

"Madeleine quit fucking playing with me. On South Side I will fuck you up." I say.

"I wouldn't give a shit if you put it on East Side. You did your dirt so I'm gonna do mine." Maddy responds walking past me.

I grab her arm pulling her back towards me. "You ain't about to do anything. Call me a fucking hypocrite or whatever the fuck you want. But on my soul you ain't going to do shit. You stuck with me for life shorty."

"Because we have a child. Other than that I don't give a shit. We were done anyway." She says.

"So you don't? Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't care. Look at me in my face and say you done with me." I reply.

Her eyes lock with mine but she doesn't say anything. Just like I thought. Girl done lost her marbles if she think I'ma just let her walk away like that.

She starts hitting me again all aggressive and whatnot. "I hate you so bad but I love you so fucking much."

I grab her hands so she can stop hitting me. That shit do hurt for real.

"Baby chill. I fucked up I know. But I love you and you know that. You are all I want. We good?" I ask.

"No." Maddy answers laying her head on my chest as she hugged me.

She's so fucking confusing. I am not good with mixed signals. Either we good or we not. It's that simple.

"My second child was supposed to be your second child." She said.

"That's the issue?" I ask.

"Yes but no. I don't even want to think about it too much right now. I'm so fucking mad at you." She says.

"I'm sorry." I reply.

This is how I figured it would go. Not as much punches being thrown like I originally thought but it's still the same.

What am I gonna do with two kids anyway? I'm only 19. And I know for a fact I don't wanna end up like Youngboy or something. I can't have that many damn kids.

Maybe I should start investing in condoms.

____________

I just realized that Y/N ain't shit in every book I write. I gotta do better.

Not Proofread

Until Next Time.