if you could see yourself through my eyes | taegi

t w o

Taehyung pushes his way through high school, eager to just graduate already so he could go to Seoul and look for Yoongi.

Yoongi never came back after that day of confrontation. He didn't reply to all of Taehyung's texts and calls. Sometimes, Taehyung just thinks that Yoongi intentionally forgot all about him and replaced him with new friends.

But it feels wrong. Yoongi looked so sad the last time Taehyung saw him, and until now, that image is still imprinted in Taehyung's head. His words still ringing in Taehyung's ears and not letting him get any rest.

He's gay. Yoongi's gay. His father resorted to hurting him because he's gay. He started losing that sparkle in his eyes because he's gay.

Is it really that bad?

Is it worth hurting someone you love? Does it give Yoongi's father the right to hurt him? Does it give Yoongi the need to push Taehyung away as if all of those years of friendship never mattered? As if he never held Taehyung's hand as they ran through their backyard. As if they didn't cry together every time they watched those sad movies. As if Taehyung hasn't been there for the majority of his life to support him through everything. Does Yoongi not trust him enough? Does Yoongi think that Taehyung would hate him too?

He wouldn't.

Taehyung would never hate Yoongi.

Why did he push Taehyung away?

❀

It was months later when Taehyung saw a glimpse of Yoongi again.

He intentionally applied for the same university Yoongi went to, in desperate hope of finding Yoongi and rekindling their friendship. It's been months since he had seen Yoongi, and honestly, he would give up everything just so they could be together again. He just wants his best friend back.

But the next time Taehyung sees Yoongi, he's leaning against another guy who has a firm grip around his waist, pulling him so close that Taehyung thinks it almost looks uncomfortable. They're in the campus, around the parking area, with other guys and girls surrounding them. The guy Yoongi's with is talking to the others comfortably with a confident grin on his face, while Yoongi is just there with a fake smile (Taehyung knows it's fake – he had known Yoongi for so many years after all), wearing those too tight clothes that are showing off all of his curves.

Taehyung is close enough to hear their conversation, but he tries to remain unseen, wanting to approach Yoongi when he's alone and not with his 'friends' or whoever they are.

He sees the guy lean down to meet Yoongi's gaze, hand caressing his side. "Baby, you need to lose weight. You know that I don't want to be seen with someone who doesn't look presentable to be near me."

Taehyung feels his blood boil at those words. Did he really say that to Yoongi?

Taehyung got his confirmation as soon as he lets his eyes travel to Yoongi's face, a pained look flashing quickly before he covers it up with a smile. "Y-yeah," he answers, straightening up, and Taehyung swears he sees Yoongi sucking his stomach in, in an attempt to look thinner.

"Good," the guy says with a smile, and Taehyung feels sick. Yoongi looks perfectly fine. Why is he hanging out with people like this? "Look better next time. I won't tolerate you being like this next to me."

Yoongi nods obediently as he accepts the kiss the guy offered before the latter focused his attention to the other men instead. Yoongi's smile disappears as soon as the guy – his lover? – isn't looking, eyes travelling down to look at his stomach. He grimaces before tearing it away, seemingly repulsed by his own image.

Taehyung clenches his fist in anger.

He has to make this right.

❀

And so that brings him to stalking Yoongi down the hallway as soon as he separates from the others, rushing forward to grab him by the arm to stop him from walking.

As soon as his fingers touched Yoongi's arm, the older boy pulled away and turns to face him, eyes wide and mouth gaped. "Taehyung?" he calls incredulously. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I wanted to find you," Taehyung replies, and it's the truth. He realizes after that confrontation months ago that he'll talk this time. He won't let Yoongi go without saying anything. "Hyung, can we talk?"

Yoongi's eyes dart everywhere to look for any sign of another person before finally becoming a little calm after the observation. "I told you not to get close to me, Taehyung. You have a future and I won't let you fucking ruin your life for me just because of your hero complex."

Taehyung opens his mouth to talk, but Yoongi shuts him up with a glare.

"I'm gay. I told you that. I'm disgusting and you don't want to be seen with me, okay?"

Taehyung's eyebrows furrow in frustration, feeling anger coursing through his veins at those words. "What are you talking about? Who told you that? Hyung, you're not-"

Yoongi turns around to walk away, increasing his pace, but Taehyung runs to him and grabs him by the arm again. "Please don't touch me," Yoongi almost pleads as he pulls his arm away from Taehyung. "Taehyung, just- please." He breathes out. "You'd be better off away from me, okay? Just listen to me one last time."

Taehyung hurts for Yoongi. Why does he sound so... sad? As if he's given up on everything. As if nothing else means anything to him.

"Okay, I won't touch you. I'm sorry," Taehyung calmly says, retrieving his hand which was previously frozen in the air after Yoongi pulled away. "Just- please just listen, okay?"

Yoongi bites his lower lip before nodding hesitantly.

"Okay," Taehyung mutters, a little calmer this time. "The guy you were with earlier." At the mention, Taehyung notices how Yoongi's expression hardens once more. "Are you two together?"

"Yes," Yoongi answers immediately. "Is that all? Can I go now?"

"He doesn't seem like a good person," Taehyung says, not caring if he sounds straight-forward. He just wants to get the point across, especially since Yoongi seems like he really doesn't want to talk. "You didn't look happy with him so I just think-"

"We're fine," Yoongi cuts him off, face completely void of any emotion. "He cares about me. And- and I just have to do my best so I won't be an embarrassment to him. You don't know what you're talking about. We're perfectly fine and I'm happy."

And with that, Yoongi walks away.

Taehyung didn't follow him this time. Yoongi made it clear that he wants nothing to do with Taehyung anymore.

And Taehyung feels his heart break for the second time.

❀

Taehyung tried to not involve himself with Yoongi's life too much after that. He found new friends in the form of Jimin and Jungkook, but he still keeps an eye on Yoongi at all times, worried about his well-being.

And Taehyung found out that his suspicion was right after all.

Because a week later, Yoongi's boyfriend was caught cheating on him with a girl. News escalate so quickly in the campus and it was Jimin who told him that Yoongi finally broke it off with his boyfriend.

He feels relieved for some reason. It means that Yoongi would get better, right? Yoongi finally realized that a relationship with a guy like that is no good after all. Yoongi would surely see it now.

But another week goes by without him seeing a trace of Yoongi in school, only for the man to come back with another guy holding onto him. And this time, his neck is covered with bruises and bite marks.

Taehyung feels sick all of a sudden, wanting to throw up all of those food he had eaten during breakfast. It doesn't feel right. Those don't look good on Yoongi at all. He doesn't even look happy! His eyes are still so empty, and there isn't a single trace of smile on his face. Why does he keep on staying with people who only ever make him feel miserable?