Winters Pansies

Chapter Four-Conflicted

Chapter Four- Conflicted
    A few weeks later…..
School started and it was going ok so far I had a class with Ally so she wasn’t just my roommate but a classmate who was nice having someone to talk to during class. Though when around her friends I would say I needed to work on some stuff. One friend is better than none, I know I should try talking to more people but every day after class I already was having to take naps to do my homework. Ally told me an art club is opening up this Thursday, tomorrow she thinks we should go. That I should go. I think she's worried that I won't make friends, another thing she and my mom have in common.

    On that note, I have been avoiding my mom's calls and grandfather's. She’s probably worried sick and told my grandparents that I wasn't answering. If I was being fair I was answering her texts. I know if I answer I’d probably start crying. I miss home so much I miss my mom and the street cats I’d feed. (mom has sent pictures of her feeding them at least, that makes me happy.) Most of all I miss my own room, the room I made, the one where I could be myself and not worry I was being too much for anyone. The dorm Ally and I have been sharing was nice but it wasn’t just my space. It didn't help that it was so boring I couldn't hang up any of my work because Ally kept inviting her friends over to hang out. I told her it was okay but in reality, I hated my space being invaded more. At home that never happened everyone knew to stay out of my room ( Mom, Grandma, and GrandFather)

    Under my bed right now there is a box full of all the art my mom thought I should hang up so my room wasn’t so boring. Mom and my art teacher were the only people who got to look at my work. No. One. Else. Though that'll have to change, my projects for class are almost due and then we have to talk about each other's work. I hate it. It’s necessary though if I want to be what I want to be, an artist like dad.
   
    After that day in the cafe when I lost my ring and had to talk to that guy, I put my ring in the said box with all my art. I loved that ring too much to lose it, if that had happened I wouldn’t be the only one who would be upset. Dad was wearing that ring when his acceptance happened, mom kept his wedding ring but this ring from his most famous work was just as important to him. If I told mom I took it off she’d be upset, she wears dad’s ring on a necklace every day she says she feels like when she wears it it's a piece of dad following her around.

    Back to how school’s going, it’s so hot all the time like yes San Francisco is very different from New York way hotter. If I'm honest I probably should go shopping Ally said we could go to these cool shops she found on Instagram but shopping might be worse than talking to people you have to see if they have what is in your style, then if they have your size, then if it actually fits, then sometimes you have to talk to people cause you might need something. In the end, I’m usually sweaty and stressed out, and sometimes I don't even wear what I bought. If I’m honest I’m tired and miss home but I’m trying to be better. Tomorrow as much as I don't want to go and meet new people, I’ll do it maybe even send a picture to mom to prove that I’m doing well so she stops calling. Tomorrow will be a good day I hope. No, it will be a good day.