Hijabi Diaries.

Hijabi Diaries. 3 Part 1 (My Story)

Life is a test.

i used to always write stuff like this but i never really new what it meant. What could be classed as a test. I never really thought about how bad it can be and how much it can effect a persons life, i was so naive i thought everything was easy, i believed in a fairy tale, i was living a lie.

You see im a born muslim meaning i was born into Islam my parents my family are all muslims, so i was a muslim by name not by actions i would pray a bit and listen to my music and talk to my friends about guys and get into fights and get sent off to the principles office. normal stuff. then one day all of that changed.

i came home from school i was in trouble because i got in a fight with a boy who obviously thought that if he abused me like all the other girls in school i wouldn't retaliate, boy was he wrong, i hit him right back and then of course i got sent home, so anyway i come home expecting the worst and my dad announces were going umrah in April.

you can imagine m excitement seeing that i went on about for like a year, suddenly everything vanished nothing mattered anymore all i could think was umrah, the ka'ba and masjid nabawi. then it hit me. am i a muslim? really am i? And i felt so guilty and remorseful and i fell to the floor crying my eyes out, the pain i felt in my heart was unbearable, it hurt so much and my tears completely soaked my salaah scarf. i cried like a baby and i never felt more alone than that time, i made a pure intention to and come back changed the feeling was so raw and so strong. i remember begging my sister for forgiveness (we always had fights) BEGGING AND CRYING.

When we arrived at Heathrow airport we were stopped of course, common two men wearing tubbs with fully grown beards and 3 women wearing black from head to toe and wearing the niqab carrying three suitcases. were bountd to be stopped. it was actually amusing how they tried to look into my scarf for any possible grenades i had probably hidden there (sarcasm), anyways we got to saudi and omg is was AWESOME. (I'll upload a picture of madina sunset on the side, picture taken by my sis) The feeling was beautiful! last night in makkah was when my test came. such a bitter pill for me to swallow.

I was doing tawaaf on our last night in makkah with my mum and sis right and after we went and ogled at the maqami ibraheem, and then we split up i went towards the black stone and in my excitement i hadn't realized that i was surrounded completely by men. i didn't think much have of it. i was so naive and stupid to think im safe.

it happened so fast before i could stop him, his hands were on my body pulling and touching and groping parts of my body that no one had touched. i was so scared, my heart was in my throat, wallahi i thought i was going to die there and then, i thought my maut was to come, i was frozen for lie a minute before i starting kicking and screaming. the saddest part is that no one helped me or even looked my way. NOT ONE person aided me, so i struggled but it was useless coz he still had the upper hand. and then for a moment i gave up and cried, whilst he continued to abuse me like i was nothing, my heart bled and my knees felt weak. i had never felt so betrayed, Allah was watching all of this, and i was screaming to him'Help me!' but for once in my life there was no answer.

And then i saw my mother and a new strength washed over me i kicked and screamed and thrashed and bit and then i was free, i moved fast through the crowds of people with him hot at my heels, i remember looking back seeing that distorted face and sprinting all the way to my hotel, the hotel diyafat mubarak hotel, i ran up the stairs and ran into the bathroom and sobbed. I felt disgusting and contaminated.

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Assalamualaikum its hard to think back on what happned its been a rough ride and the only reason im opening up is because i know there are alot of people just like me who are going through loadz of big tests and finding it so difficult. (going to update chap 3 pt 2 erm next week)

This is my story, i just want you to know I CARE. I WILL LISTEN, AND I UNDERSTAND, I BELIEVE YOU. YOU MEAN A LOT TO ME. YOUR NOT WORTHLESS. YOUR MY FRIEND. YOUR MY SISTER, YOUR MY BROTHER.I LOVE YOU FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH. <3 :)