T H E D A I L Y P R O P H E T
The Boy Who Lived ?
More than fifteen years after his first face-off with He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, Harry James Potter, 17, has disappeared from the wizarding world once more. Sources report a disturbance within a muggle neighbourhood in Surrey, where Harry Potter lived with his maternal aunt and family. According to reports from police (muggle aurors), one Draco Lucius Malfoy, son of imprisoned Death Eater Lucius Malfoy, was seen violently destroying property both physically and magically. The reason for this outburst is unknown, but sources have confirmed Potter was not present on the scene, and has not been in Surrey since June. One reporter who asked to remain anonymous confirmed a longstanding rivalry between Potter and young Malfoy.
On the topic of Potter’s muggle relations, Vernon Dursley, 37, has been admitted to St. Mungo’s Hospital after spending a week in muggle intensive care. His injuries are unknown, but one might posit such injuries could have come from a magical outburst that may have occurred in Dursley’s home a week prior. Of course, one can only speculate.
CRIME ON THE RISE
Aurors closed the case of the murder of outspoken werewolf, Fenrir Greyback. “It’s a murder, that’s a fact,” says Head Auror Gawain Robards. “If he were anyone else, we’d be more concerned, but considering the target was a werewolf, and a cannibal at that, this was most likely done by a vigilante. There’s simply no evidence with which to track this vigilante down. We believe they’re likely a professional.”
See page 3 for the Auror report on the complete desecration of Albus Dumbledore’s tomb.
See page 8 for Potions Master or Turncoat: an Expose on the Sordid Past of Severus Snape by Rita Skeeter
T H E D A I L Y P R O P H E T
Half Giant Strikes Again:
Known for his violent temper and love of strong drink, Rubeus Hagrid, Gamekeeper at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was seen being carted out of the Hog’s Head Inn after an inebriated rant regarding the possible whereabouts of Harry Potter. The veracity of Hagrid’s ramblings has not been confirmed, but one must speculate such a close friend as Hagrid claims to be would know where the Boy Who Lived might be.
T H E D A I L Y P R O P H E T
Hostile Ministry Takeover
As debate continues on Harry Potter’s whereabouts, some have taken it upon themselves to change our beloved Ministry from the inside out. Highly respected auror and wizard-muggle liaison, Kingsley Shacklebolt, as well as two colleagues, former auror Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody and auror Nymphadora Tonks blasted their way through Ministry defences on Friday, claiming the recently vacated seat of Minister. It’s unclear whether this hostile takeover will bring benefit to our unstable government, but one can only hope such a statement is followed by equal strength in the ongoing fight against He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.
Over these long weeks of mysterious disappearances, prominent political figures vanishing into thin air, and disturbances in local establishments, this paper’s most reliable source has been none other than Minerva McGonagall, now serving as Interim Headmistress at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. And yet, in these troubling times, even Minerva McGonagall has not been seen. Speculations abound, but one must wonder why our devoted Headmistress has vanished around the same time as Potter.
T H E D A I L Y P R O P H E T
The Boy Who Lived, Dead
After weeks of wondering, muggle officials have confirmed the tragic and untimely death of boy hero, Harry James Potter. Even more disturbing is the report that said demise was self-inflicted. Though he declined to speak with reporters directly, muggle Dudley Dursley, first cousin of the late Potter, has claimed in a police (muggle auror) report that Potter took his own life. Method is unknown.
These accusations have led to a muggle investigation into the home Harry Potter once knew and loved, calling into question the parenting of maternal aunt, Petunia Dursley, nee Evans, and her husband, Vernon Dursley. Dursley (Vernon) was recently released from St. Mungo’s, only to be taken into police custody as the ongoing investigation is conducted. Sources report that though Potter was initially believed to be seventeen at the time of his death, muggle police have found that Potter vanished just the day before his seventeenth birthday, giving grounds for prosecution of Dursley for child abuse/neglect with the result of serious harm/death.
T H E D A I L Y P R O P H E T
It Was Just A Joke!
Schemesters Fred and George Weasley held by Aurors for assault on reporters at family residence inquiring after the fate of Harry Potter. The Weasley brothers run a popular joke item shop in Diagon Alley, but may have taken things too far this time. Though the brothers were released without charges, it demands comment, whether joke items are cause for a growing lack of empathy in young people.
Respected cursebreaker and former competitor in the doomed Triwizard tournament, Fleur Weasley nee Delacour gave a brief statement, which is as follows: “The family and friends of Harry Potter are owed peace after this loss. Respect Harry Potter by respecting those he cared for. That is all, please leave.” Reporters on the scene noted strong feelings of unusual peace as they packed up their equipment.
