The Weight of the World According To Harrison Carter

Weight of the World: Chapter 11

Owen moved me methodically through exercises he referred to as pull exercises. "Every action pulls toward your body. In our next session, we'll concentrate on pushes." My brain stuck on his words, "in our next session." I hadn't embarrassed myself. I hadn't screwed it up. I haven't made him think I was hopeless. He actually wanted to keep helping me after tonight. I could feel the knot in my stomach loosening.

As we descended to the first floor of the gym on our way out, Shay stood by the desk with two drinks in her hands. She stretched them out for us to take. Owen grabbed for the one with a creamy off white color and I reached for the purple container. "Protein shakes for my gym babies."

I looked between Owen and Shay with what must have been a completely blank look on my face. Shay chuckled and patted my arm, "I'll let your trainer explain. Now, both of you get out of here so I can play my music before the next night owl gym bunny arrives."

Saying our goodbyes, we push open the doors and walk into the parking lot. Owen shook the shake vigorously, then twisted the cap off and took a long drink. "Salted caramel, my favorite. She gave you dark chocolate, I hope that's ok." I mimicked his shaking and popping open of the shake container. I paused before tipping it to my lips and tapped my container against his. "Thank you for today. I feel like I've started down a path that has scared me for a long time."

The smile on his face shifted and his eyes softened. I took a swig of my protein shake to give myself something to do and to hide my face as anxiety and embarrassment worked to creep into my features.

Owen moved closer to me, closing the small gap between us. His eyes scanned my face, bouncing between my lips and my eyes. It felt like something was passing between us, a spark, an electricity. He placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. The pressure was intoxicating. He didn't say anything to me, his words were conveyed through his touch. I could feel my knees going weak as his smile intensified. Before anything further could happen, Owen took a single step back and broke the spell.

"Shall we do this again tomorrow," I asked, to cover my perceived awkwardness.

When he burst out with, "absolutely," I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding. Even after his excitement about training me, I doubted myself; doubted that his excitement had continued after our first session. I could feel the butterflies, that had stilled while I waited in my mortification, start to feverishly beat their wings against my chest again. The familiar flutter was growing to be a constant companion when I was around Owen, or even thinking about him.

"Since tomorrow is Sunday, should we meet earlier?"

"Sure, maybe in the morning," I offered, hoping it wouldn't be too early and I could sleep in.

"Could we make it in the afternoon? My family goes to church in the mornings, and my attendance is mandatory."

My mom was a regular churchgoer. Until dad left, we went every Saturday night together as a family. Attending the mass at our local Catholic church. Since dad moved out, mom still goes and is active in the church, however, she doesn't make Rocco and I go anymore. Since I came out and saw how my, so-called, fellow Christians have treated me, church hasn't been a priority. I don't feel welcomed.

"Of course, we can meet after you're home. I'm happy to come pick you up and we can ride together."

A shadow passed over Owen's face, ever so briefly, and cleared into a bright smile that didn't fully register in his eyes. "Nah, that's ok. I'll ride my bike. It's a good cardio warm up for me."

At the mention of his bike, Owen stepped around and moved to the bike rack and laid his hand gently on a minimalist looking cruiser and patted the worn seat. "This is Emelda. She's my ride or die." He laughed at his own joke. I smiled up at him and tried to wipe the hurt off my face. I wanted Owen to ride with me. I wanted the intimacy that would be required between us in my car. I desperately wanted him to want to ride with me. Accept a ride from me the way he accepted a ride for Maisy. But, it was not to be.