The Tirok Maneuver

VII

Mac'hla quietly ate their lunch, seated comfortably between Scotty and McCoy.

The three were silent, surely all thinking of what was to come the next morning.

The room was dimly lit with flash lights and emergency lamps. Again, the power had gone out and the ship still hadn't stopped shaking.

"How are you holding up, lass?" Scotty asked suddenly.

Mac'hla glanced at him, "Sir?"

Scotty sighed, "I know that you and Mr. Spock are close... I just wanted to know how you're dealing with... y'know."

Mac'hla looked forward, processing their emotions before they spoke, "To feel any certain way about it would be illogical."

McCoy and Scotty looked shocked.

"So you mean to tell me that you don't feel anything? No grief, no worry?" McCoy asked, suddenly sounding outraged.

"What did you expect my answer to be?" she asked calmly, "That I am suffering? Mourning? Vulcans do not feel such emotions."

"We'd expect something! Spock is your friend!" Scotty said.

"Mr. Spock is my superior officer. Nothing more." Mac'hla lied.

"How could you–" McCoy started.

Mac'hla stood, "Why do humans feel the need to press your emotional standards on beings to which they do not apply? Surely you knew I would not feel it. If it were me, Mr. Spock would not feel anything either."

"Are you kidding, lass?" Scotty demanded, "He'd do everything to get you back!"

"He would not interfere with the logical solution." she protested.

"Vulcans really don't feel anything, do they?" McCoy hissed, blue eyes blazing with rage.

"You seem to already know the answer." Mac'hla whispered, fearing that if she spoke any louder that her voice would break and her true feelings would be revealed.

"You cold blooded, unfeeling, callous–"

"Doctor," Mac'hla interrupted again, "You are simply stating synonyms for the same word. To get your point across, you need not repeat yourself. I am fully capable of understanding."

Bones was so enraged he didn't know what to do with himself, and seeing Mac'hla's unfeeling, emotionless face only increased his anger more.

"Who are you to tell me what I should feel?" Mac'hla asked coldly, "When you, yourself, are an illogical human without the slightest control over your own feelings. That is the flaw with you humans– you do not even know what you feel. You state that you despise Commander Spock, yet you are defending him? Before you question my emotions, perhaps you should get yours in check."

Mac'hla turned and stormed out into the dark hallway, fists clenched so hard their nails cut into their palms.

As they marched away to their lab, they took deep breaths to get any sort of control over the storm raging through their mind.

Finally, they were able to get them under control and numb themselves, though deep inside them the shadow of pain remained.

There was no way that Mac'hla be able to fully process this.

Since they were young they always struggled to push away emotion. Yes, they embraced logic, and yes, they could think their way through things, but when it came to controlling big emotions they always fell short.

How did other Vuclans do it? How could they push it all away?

And why couldn't she?

Was it the neurdivergency? The human blood? Or simply because she was weak?

Whatever the reason, big emotions put them in a place that their vulcan brain couldn't handle... and now they were stuck in an inescapable cage of overwhelming emotion. Rage, sorrow... everything.

Far, far, too much of everything.