unfortunate desire || lee heeseung || (m)

eighteen

IF THERE WAS SOMETHING THAT YOU AND LEE HEESEUNG HAD IN COMMON, IT WAS THAT YOU BOTH LIKED TO AVOID CONFRONTATION AT ANY COST.

it's a characteristic of yours that you're sure gets on other people's nerves- they could say it is one of your weaknesses- but in cases like this one with heeseung, you're grateful for it. there is no way in hell you were going to mention the awkward and angry tension between you two. you know it'll just end up in a big fight and you'll both say shit you didn't mean. thankfully, heeseung is thinking the same.

on monday morning, four days after you had yelled at him and slammed the door in his face, you are walking into school side by side, your fingers laced with his. there was no talking between you, besides the small greetings before you turned and started walking towards the school doors. it feels almost natural at this point to be this close to heeseung, and show a sign of affection in front of everyone with him. but it feels like a job at the same time.

an awful job that you're doing an awful job at.

a part of you wants to get over your avoidance of confrontation, and just talk to heeseung who is literally an inch away from you, but you don't say anything. you just relish in the fact that you've added to the tension between you two and the warmth of his hand that makes you want to fall more into his warm body. you want to hit the same spot on his bicep that you always do when he teases you or somehow makes you laugh. you want to see his nose crinkle up when he laughs with (or at) you.

you spent the weekend alone, which gave you enough time to realize that maybe you like heeseung more than just an acquaintance, a fake boyfriend- almost a coworker. if you didn't then you wouldn't have gotten so hurt by his avoidance and ignorance of you from the week before.

you wouldn't have missed him so much. or checked your phone every five minutes to see if he had texted you.

you feel stupid for not realizing how you've been feeling about heeseung sooner. you think you've been too caught up in the idea of how you and jake are going to fall in love, and go to college together, soon after getting married and have children, grow old together. with jake, it was all a fantasy that you've created and got so lost in that you've used it to avoid reality.

in reality, you like lee heeseung- the stupid, mean, cruel boy that you've insulted and almost physically fought countless times before. the boy that you've sworn you were going to hate for the rest of your life.

still, thoughts of jake swarm your mind.

you've thought about loving jake every day for almost two years, you know everything about him. like all his favourite things, his hobbies, his family- his ideal type of girl.

heeseung has told you before that jake wasn't into you, and maybe you've been trying too hard to get him to like you back so your fantasy world can play with the reality one. heeseung has also told you that you shouldn't have to change anything (like your v card) to get jake to like you. but it makes you question his words because he seems to be changing himself to get isa to like him. you notice the way he speaks softer to her, his confidence level lowers and he acts smarter around her.

you agreed to heeseung's stupid plan before you had gotten to really know heeseung, in more ways than one, but it is too late to back out now. heeseung's made progress with isa, and part of the plan is that neither one of you can abandon the plan until one of you has accomplished their mission. you figure that heeseung is so close to getting isa, and the chances of jake falling in love with you are so low, that you might as well just go along with the plan until heeseung succeeds with isa.

"so, how was the party on saturday?" you ask heeseung when you've stopped at his locker, your hands untwining finally. heeseungs hums and looks up at you confused, "the party? on saturday?"