Captain Swan - Beyond a Reasonable Doubt

Chapter 11

As soon as Emma steps through the door, Elsa pulls her into a hug, squeezing her tight. "Thank you again, Em."

"Of course." Emma's not used to people hugging her, but she figures this is a good excuse. Elsa could've lost her brother-in-law. Emma's sure this day has brought back painful memories of when Elsa was visited by David to tell her the tragic news about her husband. He again brought her devastating news.

And Killian was attacked by the same man who killed Liam. She's not sure Elsa knows that yet.

Pulling away, Elsa places her hands on Emma's shoulders, studying her scrupulously. "How are you doing?"

"Honestly? Not great," she admits, her voice shaking. Tears form in her eyes again and threaten to fall for the millionth time that day. Truthfully, she should've taken the day off. She was a complete mess on the inside, and she so badly needed to take some time to cry out her frustrations and emotional distress after almost losing Killian. Hell, she never should've performed his surgery. There's a reason doctors don't perform surgeries on their loved ones. There's just too much emotional attachment there to view them as just another patient.

"You really care about him, don't you?" Elsa doesn't have to say his name for Emma to know who she's talking about. She knew by sending that photo of Killian sleeping on her couch gave herself away. 

Emma doesn't have the energy or capability to deny it. "I do."

Elsa nods in understanding, a small smile tilting her lips. "I can tell."

Emma doesn't want to talk about that, though. Thinking about her feelings for Killian only makes her sadder and angrier. She also doesn't want to tell Elsa what Killian did. How he lied to Emma for the investigation. She wants all that anger Elsa would possibly feel—the anger Emma had felt after uncovering the truth—directed toward the man responsible for all of this. "Did David tell you who stabbed him?"

Elsa nods regrettably, her face clouding over with sadness as she looks down at the floor. "Cassidy."

Emma places a gentle hand on Elsa's arm. "How are you holding up?"

"Honestly? Not well either." She lifts her head, anger pooling in her glistening eyes, her jaw hard as she curls her hand into a fist. "I want to find Cassidy and murder him myself. He killed my husband and tried to put an end to my brother-in-law's life. Being behind bars will not be a cruel enough punishment."

Guilt and regret pulse through Emma as she scoops her cousin into her arms for another hug. Elsa has no idea Emma fought for Neal's acquittal. She has no idea her cousin is the reason why Neal is still alive. And that fucking eats Emma alive. But if she knew, Emma's sure Elsa would never speak to her again.

~*~

Emma goes into work very early in the morning, unable to get more than a few hours of sleep. With Killian nearly dying, Gold still on the loose and the guilt from being the reason for it all weighing heavy on her shoulders, she knew it would be impossible. The only reason she was able to get a few hours was because of how exhausted and emotionally drained she was. 

Killian is sleeping when she enters his ICU to check on him. Her heart aches once more when she sees his battered face. His breathing is normal but his lips are dry and cracked, a typical adverse reaction to surgery and fluid loss. She leaves only to search the nurse's station for some medicated lip balm and returns with a small tin of it, sitting at his bedside.

Removing the cap, she makes tiny circles into the ointment to coat the pad of her finger. She spreads the ointment across his upper lip from one corner to the other and back again before moving to the lower lip, his breaths  warm and even on her hand. She inhales sharply, remembering how soft his lips were just the other night after their date. This is hardly the time to recall the hot and heavy kiss they'd shared, but she had cataloged the taste of his mouth, the pleasant drag of his scruff across her skin and the softness of his tongue into her memory.