Vent

3

21.11.22

Hello, it's me. Again.

My last two days were horrible so ig I just kinda wanna write it down.

Saturday was pretty amazing, I was able to connect with a really cool person, but my evening turned into a little nightmare. And it happend to just be the beginning.
I had a fever (again) and my throat hurted so bad. I spend the evening mostly feeling empty, just laying around. My Boyfriend also wasn't doing good, so I was a little worried.
Also I was super angry at my dad. He didn't told me that my sisters performance would be that day, until we argued on wednesday. Ofc I had to work this saturday and I wouldn't have been able to go there, but he could have told me right?

Then the 20th came. And this day wasn't only dead sunday in Germany, but also happend to be my granddads 10th deathday anniversary.
My granddad wasn't a good person. He did many bad things, but I was a child and knew nothing. For me he was a good person, who gave me sweets or "zwieback", but he also happend to be the person who told me how to play chess. And I still have the board he gave me.

This day continued with me having bad stomach issues, cramps etc. My stomach had a feeling I should not get any visitor today.
But as always I didn't listen...

I invited a friend over nearly a month ago. We wanted to start a school project. And in the end we did. (She also made me a super sweet advent calendar. Thank you again.)

But well... we kinda argued, I was unfair and when she had to go, I realized that I lost something really important. I spend the next 2 hours with breakdowns, searching around my neighborhood and my whole flat. But I already knew, that I lost it, when I threw away the trash. And I was right.
I lost something really important and I still didn't told my boyfriend about it... I'm heartbroken.

Also about my boyfriend. Something happened yesterday, so he wasn't on his phone after 1pm. I didn't knew what was wrong, wrote him messages, called him and was super worried.
We kinda talked about it this morning, he apologized and it's okay to me.

So yesterday was just a whole mess. I cried so much and was so angry at myself. I still am. Can't believe I didn't listened to myself again and let this shit happen.

Also today my covid test was positive :,) yaaay...

Enough for today. I'm waiting for better days to come.

Have a good day.
I'm out.

-Tae