Ranting Real Quick

Rant #14

Hey guys. So, its been a while. A lot has happened. So, I'm officially a freshman in college, which is a big step for me considering I didn't even think I was going to survive the past year. It's been slightly challenging, but nothing I can't handle.

Some big things happened too. Of course, there's a guy. It literally hurts being in the same room as him because I know he doesn't feel the same. Yet I allow myself to feel the way I do instead of just simply moving on like I should. Well, there is someone else but that's a different story I'll elaborate on later. He knows how I feel, which makes everything 100000000x more difficult to be around him. And shit went down with a former coworker that I completely and utterly regret considering I thought I might be pregnant, but I digress. Anyway, that happened and he knows, which sucks because it literally didn't make a difference. He acts like I don't exist, and in his world I guess I don't. And for a fleeting moment I thought he cared about me.

Anyway, guy #2. For some reason, people think something could be happening between me and him and for a second I thought so too. But I was talking to a friend who made me realize that maybe he is just really friendly. But it wasn't just me who thought he was flirting so idk. He has a girlfriend tho, so that would never happen anyway. He is head over heels in love with her, and I can see why. She's gorgeous, and he's....funny. That's all he really has going for him. And it's working pretty well for him, not gonna lie.

I keep getting anxious in my classes and I have no idea why. It's only in the really boring ones, so I guess I get anxious for them to be over, but I have no idea. If anyone who actually reads my stuff has any idea why this happens or how I can fix it, please help. I'm all ears.

Another thing. So the first guy, the one who I thought cares but probably doesn't, slept with my friend's roommate. And I met her. She's a little crazy, but actually not that bad once you get past all that. And now I'm slightly friends with her. But this other girl in the friend group (there's 5- her, her boyfriend, my friend with the crazy roommate, me, and the guy) has some beef with me for no reason whatsoever. Idk what the fuck I did, but she's very snippy to me, distant, and excludes me in conversations and plans. I had an idea to do something, and I see from her story that they all went and did it. Without me. Like what the fuck!? I don't have the patience for the petty middle school drama. She most certainly is trying to drive a wedge between me and the other girl, and when that didn't work, she tried pinning everyone else against us. And I've tried mending the relationship with her and fix whatever the fuck I did, but nothing is working. I'm at a breaking point with her, and it's really sad because I truly cherish the friendship I have with her and really enjoy having her around. She's super outgoing, which makes me want to go out and do things. I just can't keep doing this. I don't have the patience or mentality to do this all the time.

Anyway, I thought it had been a really long time since I wrote, but I guess it really wasn't that long. I think I'm kinda done writing this book since it doesn't get a lot of reads and I really want to work on my other stuff more. Hopefully I get a break with all that. Thanks for listening, those who actually read my stuff.