"I wanted to touch his skin but also felt a deep fear burning in my soul. He was as magnificent as tearing apart.
As long as he keeps me alive I'll stay here.
Home.
Forever."
People's minds are always complicated. But what if you give a chance to...
"I haven't been writing for a while. Something might have changed inside of me since I got my stand under control. Now I understand how to use it and release the inner power that was keeping and accumulating inside of me over and over through my whole life. I feel relieved. Somehow I reached a certain point where I am still afraid and confused but opened up for all the upcoming things and my special ability. Maybe it is the desperation. I even may like being in this stable situation where I am afraid but besides this is the stability of being needed. He accepts me. He listens to me. Even when he hits me this means the conversation is going to be held. Maybe I am masochistic as he told me once. But as long as I appreciate it that is not wrong. I am an addict. I am afraid that he would turn his back on me and leave me alive but alone. At that point I'd rather prefer death. And that scares me. I'm writing this in my full sanity and I understand how my feelings affect my vision and how they compete or even fight with my last thoughts. And as I said before I'm eventually loosing it. Without any regrets.
I have an urge to explain how my power works. This won't be anything very competent but something from a person who never knew about stands existing. Something more about subjective feelings and experience. And first of all I am grateful for this experience. This is something real and something alien close enough for me to touch. So grateful to him. He saw this in me. He let me know it better. He helped me. I will always remember it. He gave me the key to the back door of my mind. I will proudly wear this key on my neck for the rest of my life.
Ace of cups it is called. An angel like stand without a face. Maybe I described it's appearance before, don't remember exactly. But that is not a big deal for the description. The most important thing it can do is to read destinies of different people and maybe even things, haven't tried it yet. I've got to picture a certain person or look on their photo and then my power focuses and... that's for later. How it works. Here is an instruction.
I need to sit down and place a paper in front. Holding a pen I summon a stand by calling it's name. When It appears my hand start to chaotically move on a paper while wings of Ace cover or maybe hug me as it stands behind me for certain to cover me from the outside world. It's so dark under wings. Everything is blue and it feels like I'm literally in space without any noise or anything disturbing. I even could see stars blinking around me. My mind is empty as I write. But I don't write something understandable. It looks like a chart. Something very close to astrology charts they print in tabloids. But still different. I will picture it below if you will. Remember it's not legit.
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And you won't understand it. Only my eyes as stand hides it's wings may see all the patterns. It's a pity I can't write exact words for everyone's understanding but actually if i did, that would take much more than one paper sheet. It may explain such an obscure and wide in their meaning things that I'm even surprised how am I managed to see a movie inside my head by looking at it. I see timelines. Multiple timelines. Present, past and future are seen for me like rivers through either rough or calm lands. I can see them as far as destiny of a person leads. Sometimes in the time future a river can split to show the most accurate possibilities to happen. At that point I need to accumulate everything written on a paper and make a verdict. But still I want to tell every detail I see. It's so amazing and fascinating to see time. To hop on it.
Sometimes my charts are ranging, they may explain the whole life path or something that might happen very soon depending on what is required in my head. Or what is actually important. Only I tried to use my power on yet is some of the crew that was chasing the Lord. I don't know any details about them but still he asked me to. I mustn't ask any questions and don't want to. That doesn't make any difference - my mind has no clue about people being watched with hidden eyes of Ace or I do know anything. Ether way I can read them almost like books. I'm the observer. I am his eyes. I don't think he would get rid of them.
The red haired one I tried my power on with an awkward hairstyle. He doesn't look old but I can see him loosing and loosing next few months eventually reaching his death. I could feel his pain through the patterns on a paper. I'm even sorry about it. Being so young but still being so hurry up to a death. Dio told me he was used to serve him too, but apparently became a traidor to stick to the group about to visit Egypt. When I told him that the guy he showed me on a picture ain't going to live, the Lord hummed and smiled. "That's what the destiny is going for" - he said and kissed me. He always kisses me when I don't disappoint him and bring some good news. This makes me wonder... are my predictions legit and true or it's only my mistakes in interpretation made unconscious for my good. To tell something satisfactory and have another praise. Yet I didn't disappoint him even if I tried to. That's a good thing.
There is one thing he does with me. Is it him teasing me or claiming I'm his property but it makes me hot. Won't ever deny it. In this possession I feel free. I don't blame him for treating me like that anymore because it is one of the signs of acceptance. I love being somebody's gem. He takes my hand and makes lines with his sharp nails revealing blood drops. He licks them off while I quietly watch it. He does is so gently and fascinating that my head gets dizzy. I adore that he could any moment suck it all till I'm dead like with other women in this place but he doesn't. He wants me. He wants my body and my blood but holds his desires. That is the human nature of his. That's what hides behind. I know it. And I see it. When my arm stops bleeding he turns to me and kisses. I can taste the blood on his lips. It tastes like iron. But it's so good. He plays with me. I love to have a prime part in this play. I love to look at those scars on arms. They remind me of those acts. They are beautiful.
...
I forgot to finish the topic. It has been quite a few days. But now there's another thing I need to acknowledge. And it's much more important than all the magic stuff going on around. Because the real magic is actually floating in the air between me and the Lord. And it blew my mind. A lightning bolt flashed between us. Perhaps all the madness echoed in my soul and the untrustworthiness have ended at all. Something have ended but something began.
It feels like falling in love for the first time. Finally I got it. I am trapped here for the reason. I am... no one can stop me now. I finally understood why I met him. While surfing thoughts I caught it. I found him here. That wasn't him whose will got me here, that was destiny. A true destiny leading my river of time to fall into a canyon causing a beautiful waterfall.
I don't even regret blurring my mind as anyone reading this might think. I haven't. I opened it more and the whole world turned upside down for me and I see the truth. I know what to do, where I belong, I have a reason to live.
