Jeremy and the Moon Dancer

well see each other again

(Song to listen to to get in the feels-  CAROL JANE by Erin Rae and the Meanwhiles)

(Listen to this song towards the end of this part. Don't Take Me Now by The Bonfire Band)

That night she cried herself to sleep, right there on the beach, and awoke in the hospital. The sun had risen while she was asleep, still lying there in the sand.

I had gotten a call at home from her mom the next day, telling me what had happened. I felt terribly responsible, which I was. It felt like there was a hundred tons of lead weighing on my heart. Guilt, I was feeling intense, extreme, guilt.

 Laila was asking for me, but I didn't think I could visit her. I couldn't face her and stand to see all the damage I had done, it would be like looking at a broken doll, a beautiful doll, that I had broken.

 And I knew for a fact I that seeing her like that would break me also.

I loved her too much to see her in so much pain.

I loved her.

I had always loved her; I realized then, right after the phone call. I loved her more than anyone I had ever thought I loved before. She was Laila, my beautiful nighttime girl. She meant everything to me; she filled my nights with exuberant wonder and light. So the next day I decided to visit her at the hospital and tell her so.

When I finally made it to the hospital it was just after sunset. I stood in the doorway of her room and looked at the damaged body that was lying in the bed where Laila was supposed to be. She had her eyes closed and horrendous blisters all over her face and body. I walked over and sat down in the chair next to her bed.

I picked up her fragile, burnt red hand and kissed it ever so gently. I wish I could say it was a movie moment where her eyes flew open and she cried for joy, but then I would be lying to say so. Her eyes opened slowly and she studied my face for a moment before I saw a spark flare and spread across her cheeks and into her eyes, recognition. And when it deeply penetrated her eyes she didn't smile or say anything, just gracefully kissed my hand back.

"Laila, I am so sorry. I shouldn't have left you there. I am a coward, I should have..."

"It's ok. You're here now." her voice was raspy.

Her forgiveness took me by surprise. I had left her sobbing on the beach just the night before and she nearly died because of it. Yet here she was saying it's ok. Here was a girl lying in front of me, one who loved me more than I ever imagined someone would and I had left her on a cold beach to cry herself to sleep.

"I'm here now." I repeated.

"Yes you are, yes you are." she replied.

And then I surprised both of us by putting my face on her stomach and sobbing like a little boy into her hospital gown. I cried and cried. I cried until there were no more tears left to cry. And then more. I cried like the coward I really was this whole time, the one who was afraid of darkness and afraid to love. I cried, relieved to be done pretending.

I loved Laila and I wasn't ready for her to leave me, like I did to her. I must have cried into her gown for hours with her just stroking my back.

By the time my tears had lessened, and I wasn't taking ragged breaths anymore, the nurse had slipped in and was telling people that visiting hours were over. Laila took my hand and squeezed it and gave me one more strong look with those deep, mesmerizing eyes of hers, and said,

"I love you Jeremy, I love you so, so much!" At this I started bawling again, and though I tried, I wasn't able to say I love you back. By this time the nurse was now physically dragging me across the room towards the door. In the doorway I was able to stop and give Laila one last smile through my tears, to which she called

"I'll meet you at the beach after sunset. I love you so much Jeremy Carl Nights!"

At first I thought she was out of her mind. She was dying; she couldn't even leave her hospital bed, much less make it to our beach. But then I understood, she wasn't talking about our beach; the beach she meant was nowhere near Beaufort. And I knew she didn't mean for me to look on the beach for this painful weakened body she was in now, she meant her old self.  She meant to meet the angel she always was. My angel.  And I would, one day. But now I took one last look at my fragile love, sweetheart, soul mate, my beautiful nighttime girl, before my eyes got too watery to see.

She died that night, she wasn't meant to live in so much pain. So, she went back to being an angel.

The next day when I got the dreaded call from her mom I skipped school and went to the beach with Luna. In the morning I read aloud a crumpled poem, that I had brought, tightly clutched in hand to the hospital the day before, to read to Laila. I hadn't been able to read it then, but I read it now in the hopes that somewhere she could hear me.

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.
And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

——-George Gordon Byron, Lord Byron. 1788–1824

The whole day I cried there, in our spot, my tears rewetting the sand her's had soaked only two nights before. I cried until sunset, when I forced myself to stop and appreciate the beauty of it, something Laila never saw. When all the wonderful colors disappeared and were replaced with a deep blue, after the sun was gone from the sky I wrote in the sand

But I love you more