Dive into me

Chapter 9

TW: homophobic language, mentions of abuse, mentions of suicide (very short), physical violence/abuse (very short)  

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Hey, are you free this weekend?

Initially, Levi thinks the text is from Erwin. A warmth fills his chest and he curses, gripping at the thin fabric of the T-shirt stretched across his tight chest and feeling the frantic pounding of his heart against his ribcage. He takes a graceful leap, spreading his legs so that his feet rest on either side of the running treadmill, and grabs his phone off of the machine's plastic holder. When his gaze finally lands on the name at the top of his screen, his poorly concealed smile dissipates, expression instead tugged into a heavy frown by the weight of his disscontempt. It had been a while since his sister had reached out to him, but immediately the familiar bitterness of resentment stings his throat. It takes Levi a few long minutes to decide if he is willing to humour her with a response, but the adrenaline of his workout still pumping through his veins and the digital clock above the changing room doors blinking 10:02am in big encouraging numbers convince him that he has both the time and the energy to fuck around today.

Depends why you're asking.

He doesn't bother jumping back onto the treadmill, knowing off by heart how quick her responses are. Indeed, he only has time to run a sweaty hand across his face before another ding resonates.

Just wanted to know if you fancied grabbing dinner. I was thinking maybe Saturday?

His frown deepens, drawing deep lines of confusion across his forehead. He answers just as fast, a flash of curiosity crackling at the back of his neck.

And to what do I owe this pleasure?

It would be shortsighted to say that they hate each other. The relationship Levi shares with his younger sister is infinitely too complex to be reduced to such animalistic feelings as hatred. There had never been a physical demonstration of their distaste for this other. No raised voices, no punches or kicks; even as children, it had been that way. Having both inherited their mother's intelligence and their father's character, the torment they had subjected each other to for years was purely psychological. Perhaps they had always found more satisfaction in manipulating their parents' vision of them, planting words and whispers like seeds growing heavy with rumours of broken vases and secret boyfriends until they blossomed in an explosion of harsh words and strict punishments. This constant naval battle had carried on into adulthood, where Mikasa's academic excellence had given her the upper hand for years. But this was not the reason Levi was weary to see her. Their game was fun when there were worthy rewards, and Levi still recalls the glory days of eating chocolate pudding with exasperatingly exaggerated moans of delight as his sister was denied dessert for the third night in a row, but age had gradually gnawed away the the satisfaction of extra TV time before bed until, one day, there was nothing to gain. Nothing but this thing inside his chest, this beast of teeth and claws that tore at his insides every time he heard the younger woman's voice. The rewards had been taken away, leaving nothing but room for the consequences to grow. Bigger, and bigger, and bigger.

Levi's phone pings again.

It's been a while since we've spent time together. You didn't come home for Christmas or Easter, it would just be nice to see you.

Somewhere deep in the back of Levi's mind, there is a faint murmur of a siren. The haunting bellows that warn of an incoming hurricane, that gently ushers you into your basement where it knows you will be safe. But Levi sees no need for safety, for the wind has not yet changed. With a dismissive shake of the head, he answers.