Next Stop, Us

My Heart Beats Faster

Just close friends. He said it before or did I hear him wrong?

My mind is racing again because of what happened this afternoon—holding hands and sweet talk such as 'Luv ya'. What does it all mean?

I'm once again alone in the night, sitting in a convenience store, pondering the most insignificant little things, all while constantly stabbing a sundae.

"Owen?" A voice called out. I raised my head only to see Theo standing in front of me, smiling away.

"THEO!? What are you doing here?" I questioned as he pulls a chair to sit with me. "I just came down to get a snack and saw a familiar face," Theo replied with a cheerful demeanor.

"I have a question to ask you. How do you know if you like someone? Like romance like them," I asked. "Why the sudden question? You like someone?" Theo questioned back with a slightly sinister smile.

"NO!" I raised my voice. "I'm asking for a friend. I have no experience so I assumed you do,"

Theo let out a small laugh before giving me an answer. "I've technically never dated either but I think when I like someone, I'll constantly be thinking of them. My heart will be faster when I'm around them,"

Theo was staring at me as he answered me. There was a moment of silence between us.

The heart will beat faster when we're around them? My heart beats faster every time I'm around Albert. Especially when his face is really close to mine.

"If you realize you liked someone, like romantically liked them, would you tell them?" I asked. The atmosphere was tense as if we were in an exam hall taking an examination.

"That would depend on the person. I'm not a brave person so I probably won't confess. I'd be afraid of rejection," Theo answered with a stern face.

"What about you?"

"I...I probably will. I'd rather confess and be rejected than regret not saying anything later," I answered. "What about your friend? Will they confess if they know they like this person?"

"I'm not so sure about them. As you said, it depends on the person," I replied while avoiding Theo's eyes. "Judging from the way you asked the question, your friend must be really confused about their feelings," Theo asked while taking a sip of his juice.

"From what I understand, they've been seeing this person and they're confused because they have a lot of close interactions and sweet moments. They've even held hands so they're probably worried," I explained with a worried tone.

"If it bothers them, then they should do something about it. The best thing friends can do is to stay by their side and give them support. Don't you think so?"

I didn't give an answer.

"I'm sure you'll work it with that special person," Theo continued. My eyes widened at his words. "I never said it was me!" I said aloud. "You don't have to hide it. When someone says they're asking for a friend, they're really asking it for themselves," Theo said while laughing.

He isn't wrong. A lot of times when we say we're asking for a friend, what we're really doing is we're asking for ourselves.

"I'm sure he feels the same way towards you too," Theo assured me. I hope what Theo said is true. "Are you not disgusted at me liking another guy? Being gay? A few weeks before, there was a rumored gay in the Faculty of Engineering and people weren't happy about it," I explained with a rather depressing voice.

Theo shook his head.

"I think people like you are the bravest. You're brave to be different, to love, and just be yourself. I think it takes a lot of courage... just to be yourself," Theo said with such warmth.

"I'll always support you in what you do. It's true that I don't know you that well but I'm a good judge of character and you're a good person," Theo continued.

"Thank you, Theo. It means a lot to me," I said as I got up from my seat. "I'll see you around next time,"

"All the best. See you around," Theo said as he got up and gave me a hug. I was aback. My hands eventually move on their own to hug Theo back.

The next morning, while waiting for the bus, Albert showed up.

"Morning, Owen!" Albert shouted from afar. I greeted him with a wave and a smile but Albert immediately hugged me instead. I rather like the hug he was giving so I hugged him back.

It is warm. I feel loved like I am protected by him. As we break away, Albert asks if I wanted to catch a movie with him in the evening. I agreed and after class, we rode the bus together to a nearby mall.

"Shall we go get popcorn?" Albert asks as he points to the counter, with a seemingly short queue. "Shall we?" I return the question with a smile while making our way to the line.

"Do you want the caramel ones? Or the normal ones?" I asked, not noticing that we were holding hands. "Let's get the caramel ones! They're way better,"

Albert and I got our popcorn, we were seated in the cinema, next to each other in the dark with a giant illuminated screen in front of us.

I have so many questions in my head.

Does Albert have feelings toward me? Is that why he is treating me this way? Is this considered a date? Are we on a date? Why did we hold hands just now? Why'd we only buy one bucket of popcorn?

As I am still crowding my own head with all sorts of questions, I could feel Albert's hands reaching for mine again. This time, our fingers interlocked.

I looked over to Albert. His eyes focused on the movie as if reaching for my hand and holding it was an unconscious act. My eyes too were focused on the movie, but slowly, I found myself leaning on Albert's shoulder. Albert's hand caressed my head.

Is this what it feels to be in love? Someone is there to care for you, protect you, and love you.